Apr 28 2008

Harsh

Published by B at 1:11 pm under Forgotten

This is it! Read on… my YM conversations with AA and CO today. No more need for intro or explanation. Everything’s clear now. Warning: another long post…

AA: musta?
B: huy. musta?
AA: pagod kakalaro n gym hehe. kaw?
B: i’m much better than last week. pagod din sa taebo naman. hahaha
AA: ayos ha. san ka taebo?
B: dito lang sa house pag tamad ako mag jog
AA: ah oki. ako parang me sun burn
B: dahil sa basketball?
AA: saka parang nag dry skin ko dahil sa kaka pawis. ma-kati. sa chest at sa likod
B: baka rashes yan
AA: parang ganun. namumula
B: ah baka parang yung sa neck ko makati sobra pag napapawisan pag mainit. nagkakaroon din ng parang rashes
AA: baka ganun nga hehe
AA: no pala sabi ni CB hehe
B: bad ka daw
AA: baket daw haha. natuloy ba sila kila MC nung sat?
B: kse naka-chat daw nia si GF sa ym. di ko din alam eh
AA: hehe
B: kinwento ni GF yung gusto niya meet kayo sa starbucks tapos ndi ka punta tapos nakipag-break ka sa text
AA: ay yun ba yung bad. oki
B: ano ba akala mong bad?
AA: la na iba na kwento? baka meron pang issue si GF na kwento ke CB na hindi nya masabi sa kin eh. no pa sabi ni CB?
AA: seryoso ba sya sa bad comment nya? tingin mo kelangan ko kausapin si CB o hayaan ko na lang?
B: hmmmm. parang naintindihan naman niya na ganon ka talaga hahaha
AA: ah oki
B: bat ba kse ganon? sana kinausap mo na
AA: basta objective ko maki pag break. me opportunity, kaya ni grab ko na.
AA: i don’t see any logic meeting up pa. mas lalala lang
AA: kinausap ko naman, sa phone nga lang
B: eh siempre iba din yung face to face kayo
AA: eh baka maawa ako at maki pag ayos pa eh. unfair yun, tingin ko
AA: kasi nga objective ko maki pag break
B: ganon ba yon maawa ka
AA: yes. kasi in the first place, hindi ko alam pano maki pag break hehe
B: eh diba it’s up to you pa rin naman. kung ayaw mo talaga kahit maawa ka ndi na talaga
AA: i don’t have the heart to do that, eh na fall out of love na ko
B: sus eh ang dami mo na pinagdaanan na relationships ndi mo alam makipag-break
AA: confrontation to the max yun mahirap na. maliit na bagay pinag awayan kaya makipag balikan tlaga. eh ayoko na.
AA: and i think i’m being fair. breaking up with her. lesser evil pala
B: when you got back from the states, sino nakipagbalikan? siya or ikaw?
AA: mutual, she asked me, i said yes
B: ok. kwento niya kse kay CB ikaw daw
AA: ang natatandaan ko she was askin me kung love ko pa din sya. ayaw nya daw ng pretentions
AA: caught in the act… i said yes i still love her. hehe
AA: regardless kung sino naki pag balikan eh, sa tingin ko.
B: eh you did love her ba talaga?
AA: i have my goals…
AA: oo naman
B: ok. that’s good
B: what goals?
AA: you think CB needs my explanation o hayaan na lang? goal= to break up
B: hayaan mo na lang siguro. pero ikaw if you think you need to explain yourself then go
AA: waiting lang ko for opportunity kasi nga have no heart to tell her straight
B: didn’t you think it would have been better if you just told her straight from the very start pa lang?
AA: eh siempre sa start love was all over. blinded ka
AA: nung nawala, hala, kung ano ano na nakikita kong ayaw ko sa kanya
B: i mean from the very start na you felt like breaking up with her
B: bat ano ano ba ayaw mo sa kanya?
AA: wag na yun. akin na lang
B: sus
AA: hindi ko ugali mag sabi ng masama sa kapwa e. praktis ko nga maging positib eh
B: yesterday, kausap ko si CO dito sa ym, yung sa voice conference. na-miss ko voice niya sobra
AA: musta daw sya? kelan sya uwi?
B: he’s ok naman. di ko alam exact date ng uwi niya eh
AA: si DocMR pala kakampi ko kahapon sa game
AA: hehe pagod sya, galing pa sya galera ata
B: kasama niya gf nia sa galera?
AA: ata, saka kuya nya
B: ok
AA: parang na corner ko si CB hehehe
AA: bad talga ko
B: panong na-corner?
AA: wait tatawag sya
B: ok
AA: ayos na.
B: what did she tell you?
AA: sabi ko ke CB ano naririnig ka sabi ni B na bad ako hahaha
AA: ‘being smart and all that… i didn’t expect you doing that’ hahaah
AA: ‘ me problema ka ba sakin?’
B: ano sabi?
AA: ’sorry’ hahaha
B: bat nga nagalit ka sa kanya ulet?
AA: ke CB?
B: oo
AA: hindi ko galit, bka lang me issues sya sakin kya nya nasabi yun. kaya nililiwanag ko lang sana
AA: eh hindi ko naman daw kelangan mag explain hehehe
B: hmmmm. don’t tell CB i told you
AA: i did already
B: ndi yon. iba to
AA: sabi ko ke CB ano naririnig ka sabi ni B na bad ako hahaha
AA: ah oki. what?
B: sabi niya parang nagalit ka daw sa kanya kse bat sinabi sa kin yung kay GF. why?
AA: ha? ulit
B: kse kanina nun magka-chat pa lang kayo, sabi nia galit ka daw
AA: ah oki
B: tapos when i asked bat ka nagalit
AA: wala na yun, according to my book
B: sabi niya kse daw bat nia daw kinwento nia sa kin yung kay GF
AA: not unless sa yo sya nag coconfide about her issues with me. then its another problem.
AA: oki, ano tanong mo?
B: ndi. i don’t think naman she has issues with you
AA: okidoki
B: parang ang dating lang sa kin, you don’t want her to talk to me about you and GF. tama ba?
AA: i don’t want my personal issues being talked about by other people. kung si GF nag open up sa kanya sana me decency sya to put it in full confidentiality kasi friend nya rin ako di ba.
B: hush ha. don’t tell CB i told you
AA: kung ayaw na nya ko maging friend, pede na nya kwento sa iba hehehe
AA: okidoki
B: ok
B: nakwento lang naman niya kse nagkausap kami last last saturday, yung dapat poker night kila MC
AA: oki, la naman ko issues kung mag usap kayo o hindi e hehehe
AA: joke lang. taray ko ba?
B: hmmmm, nagagalit ka pala sa ganon no? now i know one way pano ka magalit
AA: me last interview pala ko mamya sa URC
B: uy good luck
AA: hehehe yabang!
B: haha! kala mo ha! magalit ka din sa kin bilis!
AA: baket?
B: eh di ba gusto ko magalit ka sa kin
AA: hindi mo naintindihan yung sitwasyon e.
B: naintindihan ko
AA: kung nakwento ko na sa yo, oki na malaman ng friends natin.
AA: kung hindi pa…. la ka kukwento hahaha
AA: pano ko magagalit sa yo?
B: i know she should’ve talked to you first, ndi yung kung kani-kanino nia kinukwento
B: eh pano ka nga ba magagalit sa kin?
AA: ewan ko hahaha
B: isip ka nga bilis. how about if i talk to CB or the others about us? hahahaha
AA: ah yun. hehe oki lang. iba yun. i accepted it as my fault, need to face consequences hehehe
B: gusto ko makita kang magalit sa kin
AA: galingan mo kasi. wag mo itanong sa kin
B: eh kung ikwento ko din sa iba about you and GF
AA: sa iba tao?
B: oo. na kilala mo din
AA: eh nakwento ko na sa yo eh, pede na kwento talga sa iba hehehe
B: hmmmm
AA: ayos nga yun eh
AA: hindi ko na kelangan mag kwento parati me nag spread na ng news hehehe
B: bat si CO ang dali-daling galitin, ikaw hirap
AA: eh hindi naman CO name ko eh.
B: what if kunyari may lakad tayo tapos indianin kita without saying anything kahit after na nung incident?
AA: hehe pede
AA: siempre mag ingat na ko inannounce mo na e
B: mag-iingat like how?
AA: pag mag meet tayo. saka ikaw, inuunawa kita. kya hindi ko magagalit sa yo hahaha
AA: baka kaw magalit sa kin hahaha
B: bat kse inuunawa mo pa ko? para kong special child
AA: hehehe siempre
AA: oo nga
B: baket nga?
AA: kasi friend kita hahaha
B: lecheng friend yan. hahaha
B: alam mo dapat ndi mo na ko tina-try i-understand
AA: ndi mo yun kaya i control yun, kaya don’t waste your time trying to convince me. hehehe
B: don’t waste your time trying to understand me kse you wouldn’t no matter how hard you try
AA: sabi nga don’t convince me eh hehehe. kulitan tlaga labas nito
B: i’m not convincing you. i’m telling you. talaga bang to no effect ako?
AA: hehehe, mismo
B: at least now i know what to do para umiwas ka sa kin. yun na lang gagawin ko
B: pag umiwas ka para ka na din galit sa kin non
AA: hahaha satisfying yourself is good hahaha, tama yan
B: sige paiiwasin na lang kita
B: same effect din naman yon eh sa kin yon eh, pag umiwas ka or magalit ka sa kin
AA: hehe
B: or kausapin kita parati ng seryosong usapan no? umiiwas ka na don eh
AA: oo dun talaga sobra iwas na ko hahaha
B: eh dapat pala iwasan mo na nga ko. parati akong seryosong usapan eh
B: pero alam mo i should have one more seryosong usapan with you or sa email na lang before ka totally umiwas na sa kin
AA: game
B: not today. antay-antay mo lang. i’m just composing palang all that i’m gonna say
B: kita mo after non tapos na ordeal mo sa kin
AA: ano?
AA: basta wag mo kalimutan inuunawa kita hahahaha
B: oo. pero be prepared not to see me again after that
AA: oki
B: prepared ka na?
AA: yes
B: haha. ako ndi pa. i have to prepare din muna na ndi na kita makita after non
B: not today nga eh. malay mo later pag-uwi mo may email ka na from me
AA: hindi mo ata ko naiintindihan e, inuunawa nga kita di ba hahahaha
B: so parang no matter what i say or do talagang to no effect?
AA: no ba sabi ko? hahaha
B: syet
B: anong ibig sabihin ng inuunawa mo ko?
AA: kahit anong sabihin mo o gawin mo… i understand, am putting myself on your feet para maintindihan kita.
AA: gets mo na? hahaha
B: oo gets ko. baket nga? why are you doing that? and don’t tell me na kse friend mo ko
AA: eh yun yung sasabihin ko tlaga, uncontrolled mo yun hahahaha
AA: dali mo naman mainis hahahaha para kang si CO hehehe
B: ndi ako naiinis ha
AA: ah hindi ba. mali ako hehe.
B: ok. what if i tell you this… direct quote to from CO ha. hahahaha
B: oh syet. di ko alam kung ipe-paste ko. hahaha
AA: hehehe
B: AA are you aware na bumalik lahat sa kin? ndi to masyadong seryosong usapan ha. casual talk lang
AA: ano bumalik? feelings?
B: yep
AA: well, uncontrolled ko ata yun eh. no ba point mo?
B: diba i told you that sa email ko after that fateful weekend?
AA: yes
B: that’s why i’m trying to explain to you na all this is hard for me
AA: o sige, if you can have it your way no gusto mo gawin?
B: i don’t know. basta i’m trying my best lang to be a friend to you like how you want it to be
AA: mismo. let me know na lang if you know na, hehehe
B: do i have to?
AA: tell me? its up to you.
B: i know what i want and it’s not what you want
B: aren’t you even bothered? na may parang lovesick puppy around you
AA: yes, am bothered. pero iniintindi nga kita eh
B: bothered like how?
AA: friends and lovers don’t meet straight inthe eye. tama ba ko, baka ngyayabang lang ko ha, sabihin mo lang hahahaha
B: what do you mean by friends and lovers don’t meet straight in the eye? di ko ma-gets yon
AA: i want us to be friends. your in love with me, right? it does not mix together. mahirap
B: so bothered ka kse mahirap?
AA: bothered ako kasi baka na take advantage ko yun. need to be always be aware of my advantage. para fair parati.
B: that’s why i’m telling you na ndi mo ko kailangan unawain
AA: pede ba pause na natin dito yung discussion, pa ulit ulit na kasi yung mga susunod na discussion e.
AA: sasabihin ko hindi mo na controled yun sasabihin mo naman wag mo na ko unawain hahahha
B: AA i just need you to tell me one thing. feeling ko yun ang kailangan ko para matapos na din to. tell me honestly you don’t like me, not even a tiny bit. you never did eh. parang parating ang reason mo is you want us to be friends. you don’t want to lose me. that there’s this heavy feeling inside you na you don’t understand if you’re gonna lose me. just tell me straight to my face na ayaw mo sa kin. maybe, just maybe it’ll open up my eyes
AA: i don’t like you!
B: ok thanks
AA: my pleasure!
B: ok. i’ll stop na
AA: okidoki
B: nainis ka sa seryosong usapan? don’t worry last na to. never again
AA: oki
B: yun lang. sige. thanks for being honest with me. good luck sa interview mo later
AA: thanks

After my conversation with AA, I posted what we talked about so CO could read it…

B: :(
CO: hay. are you ok?
B: no. harsh pala talaga no
CO: di ka naman sana umiiyak
B: so that’s it… the story of my life. siguro naman pede na ko umiwas?
CO: siguro ngayon, oo. pero sana when you’re over it, you can see him again.
CO: it was courageous of you to do that. masakit nga lang to learn the truth
B: ouch nga talaga
B: ok lang para matapos na. for my own peace of mind din
CO: may peace of mind ka na?
B: kahit papano oo. di ko na kelangan mag-isip
B: alam ko na kung asan ako. i know na where to put myself
CO: makakatulong nga yung bawas sa pag-iisip
B: alam mo parang ndi siya bothered kung anong effect sa kin ng lahat. parang ang concern lang niya is baka nagta-take advantage na siya
B: parang it doesn’t matter if i’m in love with him or not. basta gusto niya friends kami. ndi niya talaga na-gets na mahirap para sa kin yon
CO: oo nga, parang wala man lang are you ok?
B: oo nga eh. pero ok lang. expected ko na din naman yon eh. kaya nga sabi ko harsh pala talaga
CO: kanina gusto ko na sanang sabihin sa kanya yung gusto mong sabihin pero di ko tinuloy. buti na lang sa yo nanggaling
CO: nainis ako sa “my pleasure!”, ang insensitive!
B: now you know why i feel bola lang lahat? he’s just saying things to make me feel better
B: alam mo CO, i believe him na gusto niya maging friends kami and i REALLY appreciate all his efforts
B: pero somehow nafe-feel ko na selfish yung intentions niya. tama ba ko?
CO: tama at mali
B: what do you mean?
CO: mali dahil di naman selfish yung wanting to be your friend, pero tama dahil he doesn’t know what that means to you
CO: na mahirap yon para sa yo na maging friend lang
B: feeling ko selfish kse the way i see it, parang isang malaking challenge for him to befriend me
B: parang he’s doing it so he could prove something to himself
CO: wag mo nang isipin yon because it’s probably not true. iba na lang ang isipin mo
B: kse i don’t get it why he had to do that pa, we were okay naman eh
CO: don’t ask me why. at wag mo na rin isipin kung bakit
CO: wala ka na dapat iisipin di ba? isipin mo na lang ham yan
B: iniisip ko lang what now? should i stay or should i go?
CO: kanta yan a
B: oo
CO: go where?
B: away
B: from him
CO: gaya ng sabi ko kanina, it would be perfectly understandable, and it probably makes sense, to get some distance away from him for a while hanggang sa matuyo na ang mga sugat, then hopefully eventually you can be friends who can go out and drink again
B: i’m not sure if i can still do that
CO: shoot! ano ba ako si dr. love? ano bang alam ko sa mga ito?
CO: do what? be his friend? be drinking buddies?
B: lahat. i’m not even sure kung kaya ko pa na makita siya
CO: perfectly understandable ngayon kasi nga fresh pa ang sugat
B: or makausap siya
CO: pero malalaman mo lang talaga na tuyo na ang sugat kung mahaharap mo na sya. it will take time, most likely
B: malamang… looooonnngggg time
CO: shoot, dr. love na dr. love na ko! huy wag ka maniwala sa lahat ng sinasabi ko ha!
CO: if you think it’s bullshit sabihin mo lang :)
B: kahit ano naman sabihin mo, susundin ko pa din sarili ko eh, stubborn ako eh
CO: take your time, wala namang nagmamadali sa yo. siya lang siguro. at siguro kami
CO: oo nga, makulit ka e :)
B: CO sanay na naman kayo ng wala ako diba?
CO: pati ako, ilalaglag mo na rin??? :(
B: friend mo pa din naman ako eh. alam mo naman andito lang ako diba?
CO: oo
B: kahit sino naman eh. kahit sa AA. andito lang ako for him if he needs me as a friend. quiet friend nga lang
CO: pero kapag lumipat ka ng bahay sabihin mo sa akin ha
B: nagpalit na nga kami ng phone number eh. pero ndi ko bigay kahit kanino
CO: i’m just worried for you
B: baket?
CO: hindi kasi namin alam kung ok ka pa, kung may nakakausap ka kung kailangan mo ng kausap etc.
B: sanay na ko with my lifestyle. sanay na ko to be alone
CO: basta andito rin ako kung kailangan mo ko. (wag lang matagal at kung gusto ko nang kumain, matulog, etc.) hehehe
B: choice ko na naman yon eh so no matter what happens ala na kayo don
B: CO promise lang if he asks you anything about me don’t tell him anything. i doubt naman he’ll ask
CO: anong “anything”? di ba sinabi mo na sa kanya lahat?
B: wala lang. kung nagkakausap tayo or kung kamusta na ko
CO: you bared your soul to him
B: yes
CO: nge, bakit di ko naman sasabihin sa kanya kung kumusta ka na?
B: wala lang. ndi niya na kelangan malaman
CO: yung standard “patay na” na lang?
B: yes. sa lahat na din yan ang isagot mo
CO: hay
B: so ok na nga na umiwas ako?
CO: gagawin mo pa akong accomplice? wag mo itanong sa akin yan! kahit ano naman ang sabihin ko gagawin mo pa rin yung gusto mo diba nga sabi mo?
B: oo. pero kahit ano naman gawin ko gagawin pa din niya gusto niya diba?
CO: yun lang. unless sabihin mo sa kanya kung hindi mo gusto yung ginagawa nya
B: mas insensitive pala siya sa yo. haha
CO: tingnan mo to, ako pa ang ginawang thermometer ng insensitivity!!!!
B: nahihirapan ako CO eh. i wanted him to stop na pero gusto ko pa din siya maging friend
CO: baka medyo galit lang din, because of the CB thing and all
B: what do you mean medyo galit lang din? kung bat sia insensitive?
CO: mahirap nga.
CO: oo, di ba sya na-badtrip kay CB? baka ayon na naman at nararamdaman na naman nya yung “why don’t people just let me be?”
CO: pero insensitive din sya talaga, worse pa nga sa akin! mwahahahahaaha!
B: ewan ko. if that’s the case eh bat idadamay niya ko don?
CO: itulog mo lang siguro yan. tingnan mo kung ano na feeling mo kinabukasan
B: i cant’ do anything… naka-stare lang ako sa monitor
B: malamang nga itutulog ko na lang to. babaligtarin ko na ulet sked ko. sa gabi gising, sa araw tulog
CO: edi pareho na tayo! hehehe!
CO: what will make you happy right now?
CO: do you feel any pressure right now?
CO: no, i don’t feel any pressure right now
B: huh?
CO: janina san miguel?
B: ah ok
CO: sorry ha, janina fan ako e
B: ok lang
CO: my pamily is the most important persons in maaay laaaaayf! thank you!
B: ok lang CO, you don’t need to cheer me up
CO: i’m not trying to cheer you up, lahat na lang ng mako-connect ko kay janina, nako-connect ko
B: ok
CO: nakakausap mo ba si JR tungkol dito?
B: ndi. ndi ko sia masyado nakakausap kse busy sa work eh
B: tsaka masyado na siyang maraming issues din para dagdagan ko pa
B: pero she knows tungkol dun sa pacquiao weekend. yun yung last na usap namin
CO: tawagan mo na si QS
B: why?
CO: matangkad. hehe
B: doing that won’t make things better
CO: oo nga, i’m making no sense anymore

Popularity: 34% [?]

7 Reactions to “Harsh”

  1. Suzanne PHILIPPINESon 28 Apr 2008 at 2:02 pm

    Hello Buge! Sige lang, this shall pass. And you are a strong girl, kaya yan. Alam kong you will be happy. You are a happy person! :D

    *hugs*

    And andito lang din kami for you.

    Suzanne’s last blog post..Date with a Date Stamper

  2. diane PHILIPPINESon 28 Apr 2008 at 2:26 pm

    Hugs to you Buge! I know the feeling. Naranasan ko din yan. Hindi ka nagiisa. Do what ever your heart tells you. I admire your courage to tell him na at last. Kung ako hindi ko talaga kakayanin yun. You are admirable Buge! don’t worry if he doesn’t like you…. Andito naman kami eh and we like you soooooooo much! Mwuah! Meet na tau ha! hihiihi!

    diane’s last blog post..Not Blogging

  3. joy PHILIPPINESon 28 Apr 2008 at 3:14 pm

    You’ve very strong Buge. Ang galing. At least now, you know where you stand. There are plenty more fish in the sea is such a cliché but that’s because it’s so true.

    Allow yourself some time to get sad / ponder on what you’ve lost / drown yourself in alcohol if you must. But after that, put your chin up and be proud of what you’ve done. Not all women can ask the man of their dreams that same question unless the answer is yes.

    Hats off to you.

    joy’s last blog post..S.I.C.K.

  4. alpha PHILIPPINESon 28 Apr 2008 at 9:00 pm

    i initially wrote “ok lang yan”, pero alam ko it’s not ok. pero it will pass. sabi nga ni joy, ok lang maging sad, iiyak mo lang, pray for it din. BWISIT NA MGA LALAKI YAN! hehe parang feel na feel ko no? :D
    alpha’s last blog post..Early NSD Loots.

  5. Aggie PHILIPPINESon 29 Apr 2008 at 1:28 pm

    Hmmm…I feel the pain. Nothing gets worse than unrequited love. AA knows that and yes, you are correct, he is being selfish. Sa akin lang, alam na nya na me feelings ka dapat he should set a boundary for himself how close he can dare to get.

    Wallow in your hurt and pity yourself. Give yourself time.
    And sa akin lang, with your situation, it’s all or nothing.

    I dont think na you can get over with him still there as you love him. You need to get away so you can start anew.

    Sending cyber hugs to you…

    Aggie’s last blog post..Me Time.

  6. Aggie PHILIPPINESon 29 Apr 2008 at 1:28 pm

    And sa akin lang, at least you gave your all na talaga.

    Aggie’s last blog post..Me Time.

  7. Abie PHILIPPINESon 01 May 2008 at 1:28 am

    Hugs to you, Buge! Kaya mo ‘yan.

    Sabi nga nila, this shall pass.

    Abie’s last blog post..Birth Announcement for Shelsey

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