The initials are a bit confusing, I know. Haha! I don’t want to post their names that’s why I use initials. So, here’s a little backgrounder to help you understand it a little bit more.

AA, MC, CO and me (B) were blockmates when we were in college and we eventually became barkadas. DA and OC were also our schoolmates, but they were one batch older than us and we got to know them through our org Outdoor Club.

CO and I are best friends way back college pa and in 1999, we had a huge fight and because of this, I hybernated and refrained from going out or hanging around with my barkada. And then there’s this one party where I got to be with DA and CO again which led us to form a new barkada. Naging super close ako with DA and OC and sila na naging constant companions ko non along with some of my close girl friends from high school. Nagkabati din kami ni CO after a while and sometimes sumasama na din ako ulet sa kanila but not like before. Kumbaga sila DA and CO na talaga yung naging barkada ko. But then they had to leave for the States and ako naman nagkaroon ng maraming problems so nag-hybernate ako. As in I don’t go out of the house talaga, sobrang bihira, or when I do it’s always with my family or my HS girl friends. Sila AA siguro mga once or twice a year ko lang makita.

AA and I were not really close friends but parati kaming pine-pair nung college, by our barkada, org mates, classmates, and even teachers. I already had a crush on AA the first time I saw him. It was enrollment day for freshmen and I saw him with his sister, whom I thought was his gf, not knowing that he was my blockmate and we’d end up to be friends. You know naman college days, puro crushes. Haha! The reason why our friends were pairing us is because they all knew that I like him, except him. I tried my best not to show him that I like him.

So eto na… in 1996, dun na talaga kami naging close, yung barkada namin, and AA and me. We’d celebrate birthdays overnight on a friends’ houses, go on trips, etc. AA was the one na lumalapit sa kin and not the other way around because ayaw ko nga mabuking niya na gusto ko siya. He’d always stay beside me. Sometimes he’d isolate me from the rest of the group just so we could talk, he’d even sleep beside me pag overnight kami sa friend’s house. He hugs me when we’re lying beside each other, minsan nga may nag-ask pa ano daw meron sa ilalim ng blankee. Haha! They somehow knew that his arm was around me under that blanket. Then one time we were at a friend’s house playing cards. Eh sakto 4 pairs kami (but not really boyfriend-girlfriend pairs) so the guys played the cards and nagpustahan sila na yung pinaka-talo na pair would kiss on the lips, smack lang naman. Eh siempre sino pa ba ang ka-pair ko at siempre siya ang pinaka-talo… twice. Stufid! Haha! Dapat ako na lang naglaro para sa min.

Then in school kulitan to the max. We’d write on each other’s arms, we’d playfully punch each other, we’d go to class together and sit beside each other, basta parati kaming magkadikit that people associated us with one another na. Inside the classrooms, our friends would write “AA loves B” on the chairs. Even dun sa hindi na namin building. One time someone wrote that on the wall nung isang classroom with a chalk. And after a year andon pa din daw according to our friend’s sis. Haha! When I’m not around, hahanapin nila ko kay AA and vice versa. But people, those who weren’t part of our group, did not dare ask kung kami ba talaga. Andyan pa na inaway ako ng ex-gf niya na hindi ko na alam kung baket. At nakikibasa pa ng logbook namin sa tambayan. Haha!

Then one weekend, my friends came here to my house. Kulitan lang and we watched movies. Di pa uso DVD non. Haha! The next day, we all went to the TV room, except him. We left him alone in my room cause he was still sleepy. Then one of my friends took a peek in my room to see what he was doing… he was still lying down on the bed and he was staring at my picture when I was still a kid. Then after a few minutes, yung pamangkin ko naman yung pumasok don sa room. Paglabas niya he told me that Tito AA found our photo tucked in a book. Hala! Lahat sila ngayon pumasok na sa room, except me. Alam ko na kung ano yung nakita niya. My sister and I were trying our new hand-held scanner and we scanned yung grad pic ko and ni AA. Pinagtabi namin and then we printed it. Yun na yon!

Sobrang hiya ako non. As in I couldn’t even look at him. Then we talked… nakakatawa, imagine this… we were on the bed, nakatalukbong ako kse nga nahihiya ako, he was beside me, and our friends were all on the floor, watching TV and listening to our conversation at the same time. When he saw the scanned pics, he didn’t think daw na I like him. All the while he thought that I had a crush on our other friend RE and not on him. And then he also mentioned that he was staring at my photo when I was a kid because magkamukha daw kami sobra. And then a few days after we talked again. This time we were with MC and OC only. They stayed in the TV room and si AA hinatak ako sa room ko and nagkulong kami don to talk. That’s when we decided to be friends na lang because we’re afraid to lose each other. He said he felt something when we went to Quezon that summer kse we’re intimate daw with each other. Haha! Siya lang yon! Pero ayaw nga niya na mawala ako kaya friends na lang.

So ayon, ganon na nga lang… Nung last couple of years naman namin in college, we were irregulars so konti na lang kaming naiwan from our block. That time we’d hang out na with the Outdoor peeps. And all of a sudden hindi niya ko pinansin. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and just that thought that maybe he was like that because he thought that I was taking advantage na of our situation to be close to him. So anyway, I just let him be and went on with my life. Pag umaakyat kami ng bundok, he wouldn’t care about me, he wouldn’t even ask kung kamusta na ko (I’m a slow climber). Sila DA and OC ang nag-aalaga sa kin non, or yung iba naming barkada na kasama din. He actually gave me a chance to be close to another guy… QS. O bagong initial yan! Haha!

QS is another member of Outdoor Club. Major flirt but super gentleman. I was attracted to him and would flirt back. Then one time may trip ang outdoor, andon ako and AA and QS. I felt that AA got jealous kse all of a sudden naging concerned siya sa kin. Pero di ko na lang pinansin. Then AA and I graduated na and got busy with work, etc. Madalas pa din naman kaming magkita with our barkada but we weren’t like before anymore. Wala lang, barkada na lang kami. This time din nabuo yung group naming tatlo nila AA and CO. Mas madalas kaming magkakasamang tatlo kesa sa barkada namin. We’d drink and kulitan pero nawala na nga yung closeness namin ni AA. And then yun na, nag-away na kami ni CO, but that time, I think AA was busy with work kaya hindi namin siya nakakasama. And then he was assigned in Bicol pa and went to the US for 6 months, twice. I noticed lang that whenever CO and I had a fight, biglang susulpot si AA ulit sa buhay ko. I don’t think naman na sinasadya niya because wala namang nakakaalam na galit kami ni CO. Then talagang bumalik siya ulet when I was working in Cubao and Libis. He’d go to my office just to hang out or he’d take me to lunch. Then on Fridays we’d go out for a drink, sometimes with my office friends and sometimes with a few Outdoor peeps. Then he left for the States again and this time we thought it was for good na because he was looking for a job there. I went to his despedida at his house… he’d introduce me to his friends and his mom like this “Yan si B! The best yan! Love na love ko yan!”

His mom knew me naman dati pa but she doesn’t see me often kse nga hindi na ko nagsasasama sa kanila non. And his house wasn’t the one we frequented nung college days namin. But she knew that CO and I helped him with his thesis. She even called me twice to ask if I know AA’s whereabouts. Parang dati, yung nanay ko naman ang tumawag sa kanila dahil hanahanap ako. Haha! And her mom’s nice to me… sabi nga niya “ikaw ha hindi ka nagpupunta dito.” Eh kse po in love po ako sa anak niyo! Hahaha!

So moving on… when AA would visit me at my office, I didn’t think of that as his way of getting close to me. I thought that maybe he was just bored or maybe malapit kse office niya sa office ko kaya ganon. He works in Ortigas that time kaya lapit lang talaga. That time pa he’d even attend my company’s events kahit siya lang mag-isa or sometimes he’d bring MB (another one of our barkada) with him then we’d go out for a few drinks and kwento after the event. Siempre ang mga officemates ko hindi din ako tinantanan. They kept asking ano bang meron sa min, kung kami daw ba, at kung ano ano pang mga tanong. Curious minds wanna know, ika nga nila.

He got back from the States January last year. And between that and the crazy weekend, once lang kami nagkita. Super hybernate na talaga ko nito until now. Then December last year, dun na niya ko inumpisahang kulitin. He’d text me at nag-aaya kung saan saan. He didn’t stop until I said yes… yun na nga yung crazy weekend. Dun na ulit nagumpisa ang lahat. Haha!

Told you this is a long post… nobela na talaga. Nope, he doesn’t read my blog. He doesn’t know I have one… My friends also doesn’t know I have one, not even CO. And my friends doesn’t know what’s happening to us now, except for CO. Siya ngayon ang aming guardian angel. But he’s in the States right now kaya wala din siya talagang magagawa. Haha!

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