I’ve tried to work for three companies in the past but all of them didn’t workout and one of my employers even betrayed me so the experience became a bit traumatic for me. So, now I’ve decided to just become a freelancer. So far so good and I like it too because I can control my time. I even tried to get a degree online but I wasn’t able to finish due laziness… yeah, I’m that lazy. But I’m willing to try it again and I promise this time I’ll be dedicated.
So anyway, right now I’m doing children’s party album layouts for a party decorator that I met through my niece’s birthday. That’s where most of my income come from and so far so good. Tomorrow, I’ll be going to Quiapo and Tayuman to have 2 albums printed. i just hope it won’t rain hard tomorrow because I don’t like bringing umbrellas. Wish me luck!
I forgot to mention I’ve got a bruise on my right knee. Haha! Katangahan really. I missed one step on my out of TitoPabs’ room and fell down. I didn’t see it because I was too drunk.
Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday
I’ve gotta lot of things to learn
Said I would and I’ll be leaving one day
Before my heart starts to burn
So what’s the matter with you?
Sing me something new
Don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know
They only seem to come and go away
Times are hard when things have got no meaning
I’ve found a key upon the floor
Maybe you and I will not believe in the things we find
Behind the door
So what’s the matter with you?
Sing me something new
Don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know
They only seem to come and go away
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it’s gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it’s gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows, yeah nobody knows the way it’s gonna be
If you’re leaving will you take me with you
I’m tired of talking on my phone
There is one thing I can never give you
My heart will never be your home
So what’s the matter with you?
Sing me something new
Don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know
They only seem to come and go away
Hey, stand by me, nobody knows the way it’s gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it’s gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows, yeah nobody knows the way it’s gonna be
——————–
The text message that started it all… “Tara! Let’s do something fun!” That’s what I told him and he suggested a couple of activities and we agreed on one. AA and I were supposed to meet two Fridays ago but it didn’t push through because he had a slight vehicular accident so we had to postpone our meeting. We were supposed to meet again last Friday but my Ate Jovie was spending the night at our house so I had to cancel it again because we had no place to stay. Anyway, my mind was restless and I sent him a text message again saying that I don’t usually admit that I’m weak but I did admit it to myself that time and I’m scared and told him I needed someone to be strong for me. I think that bothered him and told me that if I’m not going to MC’s place on Saturday for poker night then he’ll drop by my place on Sunday night. And he did.
So waht happened? We just TV and was about to go to sleep already when I told him na tara let’s do na that something fun. Haha! What was it? Secret! But I’ve gone up to heaven that night. Haha! But I think I pissed him off… he was waiting for me to tell a story… what’s making me weak and I didn’t. Kinulit ko lang siya ng kinulet and I think naiinis siya.
Monday, I was still bored and suggeted we drink Red Horse that night. He wanted us to go out so we just went to MC’s place and it took me a while before I finally decided to go with him. It was an eventful evening. Sumama kami kay MC when he did his rounds and then we went to the market to buy some stuff for the kiosks and then we bought beer. After dinner, inuman na! There was MC, AA, Alex, and me then later on we were joined by Jojo and Ver. I was actually having fun listening to their stories but AA had to bring up the kulitan topic and it pissed me off. So I just went out for a smoke and stayed there. Then I decided that I’d just go home. Siempre they locked the gate and wouldn’t give me the key. I even woke up TitoPabs but he told me that the key wasn’t with him and I had to wait for Jome to get home. So I did. Grabe. Galit sa kin si AA. He was almost shouting at me telling me stuff like “Kung matalino ka dapat naisip mo yan blah blah blah.” I’ve never seen him angry before, not at me anyway. Ayun I just cried and thought na sana sina DA and AC na lang kasama ko that night instead of him. Then I told him to just go away and leave me alone, but he didn’t. He just kept talking and talking… sinesermonan ako. When Jome came, I was able to go out the gate but they wouldn’t leave me alone. Nakakatawa, it was like we were playing hide and seek around the neigborhood. They kept following me everywhere I go and AA was following me with his car. Si Jome nga natutulog na sa driveways nung mga hinihintuan kong houses. Then I just decided to go back in front of MC’s house. Then nahiga ako don sa car and just waited for them to get tired and go inside the house and sleep but I didn’t succeed. Then I threw my shoe at AA kse iniinis niya ko and what he did was he threw it inside the garage. Then he took my other shoe and threw it inside the garage too. So now I was barefoot. I tried to run and get my shoes but I wasn’t fast enough so they were able to lock me inside the house again. Kaines!
The next day, I woke up early para I could leave na without them bothering me. Siempre naka-lock pa din yung gate and even Jojo and Ver couldn’t go out. So I just went back to sleep. When I woke up, AA still wouldn’t leave me alone. Kinukulit niya ko sobra. I wanted him to go home so I could go home na din but he wouldn’t leave me talaga. Hanggang sa TitoPabs talked to me na and MC asked me to go with him to the grocery. Kaya ayun inabot na kami ng gabi. I fell asleep again and when I woke up nag-aaya na si AA. This time sumama na ko kse mina-migraine na ko. We were both quiet on our way home. And that’s it.
The next day, Wednesday, nag-text ako sa kanya kse naiinis ako sa kanya. We argued a lot hanggang sa we talked na on the phone. Puro away. Hindi niya ko maintindihan and hindi ko din siya maintindihan. Super iniinis ko siya by saying stuff that doesn’t make sense pero hindi ume-effect. I guess that’s what he means by iniintindi niya ko. Parang no matter what I do or say iintindihin niya even if it doesn’t make sense and even if it makes him angry and even if naiinis na siya. Ang issue niya sa kin is still about the kulitan. And he was really expecting me to tell him what’s wrong. Sabi ko nga let’s do something fun and even though I told him I was scared and weak I didn’t mean that we resolve my issues right there and then. Yun ang hindi niya maintindihan. And then inaaway ko siya about dun sa inuman at MC’s place. Sabi ko everything was okay, I was actually enjoying it and having fun but he had to ruin it by bringin up the kulitan issue in front of Alex. Sabi ko if he has issues with me then ako yung kausapin niya and not other people. He told me “Ibang klase ka talaga Buge. A cut above the rest.” I ended up our conversion by asking him to tell me that he want me out of his life and to erase my name na sa phonebook niya. Masunurin naman and he did tell me what I asked him.
Pero siempre hindi ko pa rin siya matiis. I sent him a text message saying “Let’s start all over again. No more dramas. Let’s do what you’ve said before, let’s treat each other as how we feel towards each other. No pretentions.” And he said he like that then I asked him na lang to help me be ok. Then I asked him to go with me to my friend’s party on September 6, we’ll drink (a lot) and meet new people. Bahala na si Batman!
You are the sun
You are the rain keep falling on me never get enough
You are the sun
You are the rain keep falling on me never get enough
Then why is it you are leaving?
I don’t know why you’ve come in my heart
Then why is it you’re now leaving?
I don’t know why you brought it down on me
Come on baby let’s forget about that’s you
Tried to set my mind on nothing, oh yeah
Don’t try to change me, don’t try to change me now
You are the sun
You are the rain keep falling on me never get enough
You are the sun
You are the rain keep falling on me never get enough
Come on baby let’s forget about that’s you
Tried to set my mind on nothing, oh no
Don’t try to change me, don’t try to change me now
Come on baby let’s forget about that’s you
Tried to set my mind on nothing, oh no
Don’t try to change me, don’t try to change me now
I wanna do right thing
You don’t have to change me
I already set my eyes on something, oh yeah
I really wouldn’t blame you
If you walk down out the door because of me
Come on baby let’s forget about that’s you
Tried to set my mind on something, oh yeah
Don’t try to change me, don’t try to change me now
Come on baby let’s forget about that’s you
Tried to set my mind on something, oh yeah
Don’t try to change me, don’t try to change me now
I wanna do right thing
——————–
Saturday night, I met up with some old friends. DaWave was in town and we went out for a few drinks. We met up with some old friends and it was really fun! We reminisced about the old days and DaWave told us stories about his mom and nanay. See, the reason why he came home is because his grandma passed away and just about a month ago his mom also passed away. It was really sad but at least we got to see each other again. Bits and pieces of what happened last night are below. Kinwento ko kay AA because he was part of it and alam niyo na, nalaseng na naman ang lola niyo kaya ayan daldal na naman. It was a rainy night and the sounds from the bar kept getting louder. And here were the text messages. complete with the typo errors. Haha!
B: huy please pleears pleagse don’t mind boyet. he’s just drunk. oh ny gosh. just don’t mind him. i’m so so so sorry. just don’t mind him ha. wala na kong face na haharap sa yo. fuck3r! I’m too drunk! sorry dhn he woke you up pa. i’m really really really am rorry
AA: good morning B! You know right now am dealing with some shit, then you pull out something like this… whatever it is… makes me feel better. salamat. as to Boyet, never answered his call. Hope he won’t push it hard enough to make me react. take it easy. and if I react… it’s not your issue anymore, it’s me and Boyet’s issue already. So you better get out of the way. Hehe. Still, hope it won’t get that far.
B: don’t mind na lang if he calls again. and please don’t take it against him. sagot ko friends ko, it’s all my fault, me and my big mouth. basta ignore him na lang if he calls again. don’t answer the phone. sorry talaga ha? as in omg, I don’t know how long I have to apologize for this but I will. hey what’s wrong? I’m still a friend. about last night, I said I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to add up to whatever it is you’re dealing with right now, never meant to. and if you’re feeling shitty, welcome to my world! I thought nakausap ka niya last, pretending lang pala. Anyway, I don’t think he’ll call you. hindi naman kami close friends para ma-affect siya ng ganon. I am nothing to him, or to everyone. stupid me lang naniwala ako he was talking to you. stupid
AA: it did not add up. somehow, it made me feel better. odd but thanks.
B: na-entertain ka ba? haha! anyway, whatever it sana it’ll work out. alam mo last night nun hug ako ni DaWave, I didn’t want to let go. sobrang na-feel ko yung importance ko and I felt so safe and secure. meron pa palang ganon. parang nothing could go wrong
AA: very nice! glad you guys meet up.
B: what’s wrong pala? feel like sharing? if you don’t feel like it, I understand
AA: I was just feeling lazy about my things to do, sobrang lazy like I wanna self destruct purposely. don’t know why. then you texted me like you made a very grave mistake. that made me feel better siguro. hehe
B: oo, think of me lang and I’m sure you’ll feel a whole lot better. last night super happy ako kaya lang i made DaWave cry. and I couldn’t do anything to make him feel better first time ko siya nakita umiyak. di ko alam sasabihin ko. gusto ko siya i-hug to make it all go away per di ko magawa
AA: I thought you did hug him.
B: he did, I did, pero nun na lang pauwi na kami. not while we were talking. sobrang na-miss ko si DaWave!
AA: missing is positive, gives you some hope to meet again. good good good. I’m glad for you!
B: oo pero kelan pa ulet. Parang everyone who misses me is on the wrong side of the planet
AA: All I know is you feel better when you get what you hope for. hehe. one sided mind ata ko e.
B: I’m hopeless
B: grabe sakit ng ulo ko. tapos when I lie down on my left side, my tummy goes weird. tapos umiikot lahat inside my head
AA: hehe. sasabihin ko pa naman na ang bilis mo mag sober up.
B: di ko nga alam kung makakauwi ako e
AA: ha, asan ka?
B: bicutan. di nila ko pinauwi kse nga super laseng na ko
AA: rest ka muna. sundo kita dyan mamaya mga 2pm. hatid kita sa inyo.
So, he fetched me from Che’s place in Bicutan and brought me home to my place in Quezon City. And he never got off the car. Sabi ko nga para siyang tanga, nagsayang lang siya ng gas cause pede naman akong sumabay kila Che because they were going to Caloocan. He said it’s okay because at least he got to see me and I made him feel better nga. Weird huh? But I’m touched… especially dun sa part na he let me rest first then brought me home. We might see each other again this Friday… and as always, bahala na si Batman!
first time ko siya nakita umiyak. di ko alam sasabihin ko. gusto ko siya i-hug to make it all go away per di ko magawa 
