I think I got it all figured out already. AA couldn’t be like DA, OC or CO. Seems like for him there’s always got to be a reason for us to talk or see each other. I don’t think I can handle that because honestly I have no real reason to see him or talk to him. For me, I’ve got to make a reason. Him naman is like he’s doing all this because he feels he needs to and not because he wants to. In some cases, needing is more important than wanting, but not in this case. And he obviously doesn’t know what my needs are as a friend. I already told him this before, mahirap akong maging kaibigan. And he just have to deal with that. Honestly, I don’t want to be the one who always inititates or ako yung lumalapit. Things are not spontaneous between us… parating may effort dapat. It’ll be hard for us to maintain the “closeness” he wants… much harder for me. Can’t we be just friends? As in friends, period! Wala na nung closeness na gusto niya. Kung magiging close, eh di close… he shouldn’t impose that closeness like what he’s doing. If we’re meant to be close friends then it should have happened a long time ago. We’ve known each other for 15 years already. And it already has been 12 years when he first told me that he didn’t want to lose me. He had that long to work on it, why only now? Naunahan pa siya nila DA and OC.

I was already doing fine in my own little corner until he came back. He tricked me into promising that we’ll see each other. I was to go offline na and I was in a hurry to go some place, he wouldn’t let me go unless I say yes to one of his invitations. Hindi na mauulit.

So I guess this is it, I’m ending this story. Sorry to all those who are waiting for sequels… sorry to leave you hanging. I think I won’t be logging into my YM account for a few days or weeks… “run away” mode muna ko. Yes, that’s how I am, I keep running away from things. And yes, I’ll be pushing him away and I’ll be going back to that little corner where I used to be. Anyway, I’ll still be posting updates, kung meron man, but I won’t be looking forward to any and I won’t get all excited if there’s any. No more “let’s see what will happen next.” And with this I’ll leave you all with a song… I’ve been listening to this the whole day. Enjoy listening!

Barely Breathing
by Duncan Sheik

I know what you’re doing, I see it all to clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide
You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why I say good-bye

Cause I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting a fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, what’s it all about
I used to be so certain and I can’t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There’s nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change

Cause I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting a fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay but I’m thinking it over anyway

I’ve come to find I may never know
Your changing mind, is it friend or foe
I rise above or sink below
With every time you come and go
Please don’t come and go

Cause I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting a fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay but I’m thinking it over anyway

I know what you’re doing, I see it all to clear

Popularity: 15% [?]

by Buklod

Pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon

Natatandaan mo pa ba
Nang tayong dalawa’y unang magkita
Panahon ng kamusmusan
Sa piling ng mga bulaklak at halaman
Doon tayo’y nagsimulang mangarap at tumula

Natatandaan mo pa ba
Inukit kong puso sa punong mangga
At ang inalay kong gumamela
Magkahawak-kamay sa dalampasigan
Malayang tulad ng mga ibon ang gunita ng ating kahapon

Ang mga puno’t halaman ay kabiyak ng ating gunita
Sa paglipas ng panahon bakit kailangan ding lumisan
Pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon

Ngayong ikaw ay nagbalik
Katulad ko din ang yong pananabik
Makita ang dating kanlungan
Tahanan ng ating tula at pangarap
Ngayon ay naglaho, saan na napunta

Lumilipas ang panahon kabiyak ng ating gunita
Ang mga puno’t halaman bakit kailangang lumisan
Pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon

——————–

This post is inspired by my friend Biggs’ post in multiply.

Like Biggs, I miss Anilao too… sooooooo much! My friends and I call it our kanlungan because that’s the song we’d almost always listen to when we go there. I’m not a windsurfer like most people who frequents the place but it is very dear to me. I first went there way back 1994 or 1995, for De La Salle Outdoor Club’s acquaintance party. Drop point namin on our way to Sombrero Island. Hindi pa yata member si AA ng Outdoor Club non. Went there siguro mga twice. And then when DA and OC and some of my high school friends got together in 1999, that’s where we would spend most of our weekends. It became our tambayan, our weekend getaway, and the people I met there became like my second family. We shared many experiences there and we’ve met different people from all walks of life, may bata, may matanda, singles, couples, families, and some became friends for keeps. I’d cherish the times that I’ve spent there for the rest of my life. Last time I went there was about two years ago, with my family and some relatives and never got the chance to go back. Baka hindi ko na din kilala yung ibang mga tao don.

I never got the chance also to go there with AA kse that time na parati akong pumupunta don, I was already “running away” from our barkada and already found my new set of friends. I say blame it all on CO. CO was the main reason why I ran away from our barkada. We had a huge fight and that gave me the chance to be with DA and OC.

DA and OC actually are not new friends that time. Matagal ko na din sila kilala, through Outdoor Club. It was one birthday party ang nagbigay sa min ng chance to be close. My barkada celebrated her birthday together with her sister, nagkataon na yung sister niya eh barkada naman nung older brother ni DA and andon din siya sa party. Then nagkita kami ulit when we were waiting to buy our Nokia phones. Mahirap pa dati bumili ng cellphone, you had to find pa a dealer. So we waited together, kasama na namin si OC and my other girl friends. And yun na, nagtuloy-tuloy na, parati na kaming nagmi-meet then we’d go on gimmicks then Anilao. We’d go to each other’s houses and on Friday nights punta na kaming Anilao and be back late Sunday night. We’d also see each other after office, have dinner or coffee or simply hang out. I use to hate cellphones that time but napilitan akong ibili ng parents ko because they almost never see me that time. Haha! Then naging officemates pa kami ni DA and OC non so as in everyday talaga magkakasama kami.

What makes these two guys different from AA and my other friends? They took care of us, as in really took care of us. We’re like one big family… OC is like our dad and DA is like our older brother. We’ve been through ups and downs and we’re always there for each other. We separated when most of them already went to the US and kami na mga naiwan dito hindi na masyadong nagme-meet. It’s like God gave us almost two years to be perfectly happy and then that’s it. But believe me, those couple of years are enough to last me a lifetime.

DA and OC are super gentlemen… as in they’d open doors for us, pampered us, kung pede lang they’d do everything for us na. Pag sakay sa car they’d open and close the door for us and sila pa naglalagay ng seatbelt. Haha! And they don’t drive too fast pag kasama kami. They don’t like makeups, nail polishes, at kung ano ano pang kakikayan, gusto nila simple lang. But of course hindi naman nila kami pinagbabawalan maging kikay. I became so dependent sa kanila that’s why din siguro nahirapan ako when they left for the US. Funny thing naman, when most of my friends are already in the States, dun naman bumalik si AA. Same thing din whenever CO and I have a fight, biglang naga-appear si AA. He’d contact me and we’d go out or pinupuntahan niya ko sa office or sa house. I don’t know kung sinasadya niya or nagkakataon lang. CO pala is our barkada (me and AA’s) and my guy best friend. That’s why AA includes him sa list na gusto niyang maging katulad when it comes to being close to me.

Siguro that’s what’s missing din between me and AA. Yes, we’ve known each other longer than how long I’ve known DA and OC. Pero mostly ng pinagsamahan namin ni AA kse good times lang talaga. I’ve been to lots of different places with him and our barkada more than I’ve been to with DA and OC pero iba talaga pa rin talaga. Quality over quantity nga talaga siguro. And big difference din nga why I can’t be that close to him is because I like him. I’m very cautious when I’m with him. What he wants is actually parang torture sa kin pero I’m really trying my best to be that kind of friend to him.

Going back to Anilao, I know that this is so selfish of me but I don’t think I’d want to share that place with my and AA’s barkada. Gusto ko yung memories ko of Anilao would be kami lang nila DA and OC, etc. Of course pedeng pumunta don si AA but not with our barkada talaga. Sama ko no? Sige pede na din pero minsan lang sila dapat pumunta don and not make it their tambayan like we did. Haha! Bad ko talaga no?

Popularity: 18% [?]

by Blur

Tender is the night lying by your side
Tender is the touch of someone that you love too much
Tender is the day the demons go away
Lord I need to find someone who can heal my mind

Come on, come on, come on, get through it
Come on, come on, come on, love’s the greatest thing
Come on, come on, come on, get through it
Come on, come on, come on, love’s the greatest thing that we have
I’m waiting for that feeling, waiting for that feeling
Waiting for that feeling to come
Oh my baby, oh my baby, oh why, oh my

Tender is the ghost, the ghost I love the most
Hiding from the sun, waiting for the night to come
Tender is my heart for screwing up my life
Lord I need to find someone who can heal my mind

Come on, come on, come on, get through it
Come on, come on, come on, love’s the greatest thing
Come on, come on, come on, get through it
Come on, come on, come on, love’s the greatest thing that we have
I’m waiting for that feeling, waiting for that feeling
Waiting for that feeling to come
Oh my baby, oh my baby, oh why, oh my
Oh my baby, oh my baby, oh why, oh my

Tender is the night lying by your side
Tender is the touch of someone that you love too much
Tender is my heart you know for screwing up my life
Oh lord I need to find someone who can heal my mind

Come on, come on, come on, get through it
Come on, come on, come on, love’s the greatest thing
Come on, come on, come on, get through it
Come on, come on, come on, love’s the greatest thing that we have
I’m waiting for that feeling, waiting for that feeling
Waiting for that feeling to come
Oh my baby, oh my baby, oh why, oh my
Oh my baby, oh my baby, oh why, oh my

——————–

ten·der adjective, -er, -est
1. easily moved to sympathy or compassion; kind: a tender heart.
2. affectionate or loving; sentimental or amatory: a tender glance.

Thanks to my friend and former officemate Paulo S. for acquainting me with this song. It’s been my favorite since the I first heard it in his car when we were on our way home from the company outing. I even made a CD with only this song, playing over and over and over again. I think this song perfectly describes my heart right from the very start of this all and it describes exactly how I am right now. Enjoy listening!

Popularity: 15% [?]

by The Commodores

I want you to want me
I’m going crazy knowing she will be your lover tonight
And when she comes I’ll let you go
I’ll just pretend that you walked out of the door
Oh no I can’t sleep
Oh no I’m going crazy with love over you

I need you to need me
I wanna hold you but you’re holding someone else in your arms
When I close my eyes I see your face
I’m just not sure how much my heart can erase
Oh no I can’t think
Oh no I’m going crazy with love over you

Oh no I can’t sleep anymore baby
Oh no I can’t think anymore baby
Oh no I’m going crazy with love over you

——————–

Here’s another song for the week. This can’t wait na for next week so two songs for the whole week. Malay natin kung madagdagan pa! Haha! This is my theme song for today and tomorrow and all the times he’ll be with her. My friends are in Pangasinan right now. AA is there with them with his girlfriend. He said he can’t anything about it anymore because my friends invited her. But like what I’ve said nga, there’s nothing to resolve. Our friends can’t find out kung ano na nangyayari sa min. I can’t even imagine how they’ll react if they do find out. But they know that AA is seeing me. I don’t know nga din what they’re thinking eh, kse nga I don’t go with them anymore pero AA and CO are seeing me. Niloloko pa sila ni AA na galit ako sa kanila. Haha! So anyway, I have two versions of the song, one is the original and one naman is instrumental para if you feel like singing.

Popularity: 11% [?]

by Jann Arden

how do you cool your lips after a summer’s kiss
how do you rid the sweat after the body bliss
how do you turn your eyes from the romantic glare
how do you block the sound of a voice you’d know anywhere

i really should have known by the time you drove me home
by the vagueness in your eyes, your casual good-byes
by the chill in your embrace and the expression on your face
that told me you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive

how do you numb your skin after the warmest touch
how do you slow your blood after the body rush
how do you free your soul after you’ve found a friend
how do you teach your heart it’s a crime to fall in love again

you probably won’t remember me, it’s probably ancient history
i’m one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you
i’m out of vogue, i’m out of touch, i fell too fast, i feel too much
i thought that you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive

——————-

Went to Tayuman again last Saturday to get my client’s album. As always, the girl did not follow my directions. Hay nacoo! After that we had lunch at Don Henrico’s in Tomas Morato. Nothing beats Don Henrico’s Buffalo Wings! Yum-O!!! And then I waited for AA to arrive. When he got here, kwento-kwento muna with my sis then he played a little with the kids, then I did his franchise primer while he napped. Around 12mn, we went out to buy some beer. We bought 2 bottles of the Red Horse Litro and two small ones (Happy Horse). CO was online that time so we chatted with him in YM. It was fun, it’s like the three of us hanging out together again, except that CO is really miles away. We bought beer again, two more bottles of Red Horse Litro and one Happy Horse. I remember punching him on his left arm lots of times and we even played bunong braso. Haha! I think he was trying to prove that he’s strong and he is. Funny thing, parati akong nagrereklamo na tinutulugan niya ko pag lasingan and that night he didn’t sleep. We ditched CO and we had a serious drunk talk. I don’t know how many times ko siyang minura. Basta I remember telling him “T@#$&%^ mo AA” or “F#&$ you AA!” lots of times. Parang he desperately wanted to be close to me, like how I am with my other close guy friends, three in particular, DA, OC and CO. He told me he loves me a number of times but every time he did dinudugtungan ko ng “but only as a friend.” I really can’t remember what we talked about but our conversation left me feeling more depressed and frustrated. And then…

The following day (Sunday) he was supposed to go home early so he could watch Pacquiao’s game at a friend’s house who has pay-per-view. But he chose to stay and kept me company the whole day. He asked me a couple of times if I wanted to talk about last night but I declined, telling him that there’s no point in talking about it anymore. I don’t know if he wanted to hear something from or if he’s really concerned or if he’s just worried that I might not do his primer. I could tell he was a little worried because I was quiet the whole day and wouldn’t answer his questions. He went home around 7pm. I finished his primer and emailed it to him last night, along with another email telling him how I really feel after last night.

Drunk Tales: I learned something new this weekend. In every case of Red Horse Beer, there’s this one bottle which they call Happy Horse. It’s said to be much stronger than the regular Red Horse bottles. AA showed me how to look for it… with the regular bottles, the print at the back is color yellow, on the Happy Horse, the print is color red.

Popularity: 21% [?]

by Bob Marley

Old pirates, yes, they rob I
Sold I to the merchant ships
Minutes after they took I
From the bottomless pit
But my hand was made strong
By the hand of the almighty
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly
Wont you help to sing
These songs of freedom
Cause all I ever have
Redemption songs
Redemption songs

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery
None but ourselves can free our minds
Have no fear for atomic energy
Cause none of them can stop the time
How long shall they kill our prophets
While we stand aside and look
Some say its just a part of it
We’ve got to fulfill the book
Wont you help to sing
These songs of freedom
Cause all I ever have
Redemption songs
Redemption songs

Popularity: 8% [?]

by David Foster

We laughed until we had to cry
And we loved right down to our last goodbye
We were the best I think we’ll ever be
Just you and me for just a moment

We chased that dream we never found
And sometimes we let one another down
But the love we made made everything alright
We shone so bright for just a moment

Time goes on, people touch and then they’re gone
And you and I will never love again like we did then

Someday, when we both reminisce
We’ll both say there wasn’t too much we missed
And through the tears, we’ll smile when we recall
We had it all for just a moment

Time goes on, people touch and then they’re gone
But you and I will never really end
We’ll never love again like we did then

We laughed until we had to cry
And we loved right down to our last goodbye

——————–

The past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. Everything makes me cry. Things are not doing well at home and everything just seems to be screwed up. I tried to talk to a very close friend of mine, CO, but that conversation just ended up with a fight. It’s that or he just doesn’t really care. I’m also trying to finish photobook that I’ve been meaning to do since college but never really got to finish it. I really think that this has been holding me back and that I really need to do this for myself. But seeing the pictures and playing the songs over and over again just makes me more emotional and it brings back all the memories and feelings that I had back then. And again the unanswered questions are floating around in my head. And it’s also not helping that we chat almost everyday through YM. He persists we see other and tells me he won’t stop trying. He asks too many questions, about me, my other set of friends. Questions that, according to my friend DC, doesn’t matter anymore, Anyway, I miss that other set of friends that he was referring to. They’re my life! They are the ones who saved me a long time ago. And they still keep hanging on to life up to now. They’re where I get my strength and no one really compares to the bond that we’ve made. And this week’s song perfectly describes what we’ve been through before and how we all felt about each other. We’re all miles away from each other now but I’m holding on to the thought we’ll all be together someday and I’m looking forward to it. Oh, and I’m back to my old habit… smoking!

Popularity: 5% [?]

by Barbie’s Cradle

Limang dipang taong nagtutulakan sa abenidang aking napagdaanan
Nag-aabang ng masasakyan, patungo kung saan di ko malaman
Sa aking dyipning sinasakyan mayroong natanaw na mama
Sa dinami-rami ng nagdaraan, ikaw pa ang nakita
Ikaw pa ang nakita may kasamang dalaga

Para, mama dito na lang, bababa na ako
Para, mama dito na lang, heto ang bayad ko
Para na sabi, para na sabi, para mama
Para na diyan sa tabi

Limang dipang taong nagtutulakan ang dinaanan ko sa paghabol sa iyo
Tinatanaw ang pagakay mo sa babaeng pinagseselosan ko
Sa pagmamadali nadapa ako sa bangketang kinatatayuan nyo
Lumapit ka’t tinulungan ako at kita’y tinitigan
Mga mata’y nagkabanggaan, ano ba itong naramdaman

Sorry, mama pasensiya ka na, akala ko’y asawa kita
Sorry, mama pasensiya ka na, sorry’t naabala ka pa
Sorry na sabi, sorry na sabi, sorry mama, sorry’t napagkamalan ka

Limang dipang taong nagtutulakan sa abenidang aking kinatatayuan
Nagaabang ng masasakyan, patungo kung saan ‘di ko malaman
Limang dipang taong naguunahan sa unting sasakyang nagdaraan
Sayang ang dyipning kanina’y lulan at ngayo’y nagsisisi
Sa aking pagbubusisi, malaking pagkakamali

Para, mama sasakay po, limang dipang taong nagtutulakan
Para, mama sasakay po, limang dipang taong nag-uunahan
Para na sabi, para na sabi, para mama, para na diyan sa tabi

——————–

So last Saturday, after coming home from Tayuman and the hospital, my older nephew and I decided to go back to the hospital so he could visit his baby sister. Of course it also meant eating dumplings and squid balls! Yum! Whenever we go there (Capitol Medical Center) my nephew and I always go on a food trip at the Dimsum N Dumplings outside the hospital lobby. And we’d also buy chicken balls, squid balls and tokneneng on the vendor across the street.

We thought about staying until my niece’s pediatrician visits her but it was already 5 in the afternoon and she still hasn’t done her rounds so we decided to leave already. My nephew and I took a jeep and decided to drop by National Bookstore first before going home.

We had to wait awhile for the jeepney. It was my first time to ride a jeepney again after a very long time. The last time I rode a jeep, the basic fare was only P4.50 and now it’s already P7.50. Not that I don’t commute or I don’t know how to commute, it’s just that I’m too lazy to walk so I always ride a taxi cab.

It was fun to ride a jeepney again. I missed it actually, but only short trips like that one. i don’t like long jeepney rides because it’s hot and dusty… well, except when I’m in the province. Two of my ultimate jeepney goals is to ride the jeepney topload and sumabit sa jeep. Lol! Yeah, I see it as an ultimate adventure. I’ve already ridden the jeepney topload when I went to Sagada and would love to do it again. What I haven’t done yet is sumabit sa jeep. Hahaha! But I really want to do this someday…

Popularity: 10% [?]

by Indio I

di ako makatulog ng hindi ka pinapangarap
ikaw ang laging nasa isipan
at ang akala ko minsan ika’y aking niyayakap
sa pagmulat ko ay unan lang
paano ko sasabihin sa yo
ang tunay na layunin ng puso ko

di mo lang alam ikaw ang tanging buhay ko
kung alam mo lang ikaw lang ang iniibig ko
di mo lang alam ikaw ang tanging buhay ko
kung alam mo lang ikaw lang ang iniibig ko

tuwing ako’y napapalingon isa lang aking hangarin
ikaw ang laging nasa isipan
at ang akala ko minsan kaway mo’y para sa akin
yun pala sa iyong kaibigan lang
paano ko sasabihin sa yo
ang tunay na layunin ng puso ko

di mo lang alam ikaw ang tanging buhay ko
kung alam mo lang ikaw lang ang iniibig ko
di mo lang alam ikaw ang tanging buhay ko
kung alam mo lang ikaw lang ang iniibig ko

hanggang kailan ako maghihintay
o sana’y wag habangbuhay
wag ng magduda ikaw lang ang iniibig ko
at kung akala mo hindi kita mahal ikaw na ang nananaginip

di mo lang alam ikaw ang tanging buhay ko
kung alam mo lang ikaw lang ang iniibig ko
di mo lang alam ikaw ang tanging buhay ko
kung alam mo lang ikaw lang ang iniibig ko

——————–

This song brings back a lot of good memories to me. Back in 1999, a group of my friends and I always go to Anilao just to hang out. We go there almost every weekend after work. We leave Manila on Friday nights and go back home on Sunday nights. There was no Star Tollway in Batangas yet so we travel at night to avoid traffic. Our trip would usually take about 4 hours and we would play Indio I tape over and over again and so along with the songs.

I remember that I was one of those who didn’t like cellphones, but my parents were forced to buy me one just to keep track of my whereabouts. Most of my friends and I worked in Makati that time and I would usually go home late already because I hang out with my friends after work. Then on weekends I was off to Anilao so they didn’t see pretty much of me that time.

I really really really miss going to Anilao. I don’t go there anymore because most of my friends are already in the US. There are still a couple who are still here in the Philippines but I’m not in touch with them anymore because, well they are literally a couple and you know three’s a crowd and I guess they’re busy now with their lives.

Anyway, I really like this song by Indio I. I guess not too many are familiar with Indio I. I tried looking for their cd but it’s not for sale anymore. Good thing I was able to download three of their songs from the net, Di Mo Lang Alam, Diwata, S on my Chest. Enjoy listening and hope you’ll like it.

Popularity: 10% [?]

by Carol Banawa

Naglalakbay ang aking isip
Hanap ka ng yong sintang
Nagmamahal, nayayanig sa lamig
Naririnig ang dating himig na may lambing
Sa lilim ng damdaming ito
Sumasamo sa puso mo

Isipin ko lang ang ating nagdaang pasko
Sapat na ang pagdiriwang
Kapiling ka na tuwing sasapit ang pasko
Sa tamis ng ating suyuan

Buong liwanag ng paligid
Namamasdan kahit buwan lang ang tanging ilaw
Naghahayag laman ng aking loob

Isipin ko lang ang ating nagdaang pasko
Sapat na ang pagdiriwang
Kapiling ka na tuwing sasapit ang pasko
Sa tamis ng ating suyuan noon
Pitak ng puso ay iisang pasko

Isipin ko lang ang ating nagdaang pasko
Sapat na ang pagdiriwang
Kapiling ka na tuwing sasapit ang pasko
Sa tamis ng ating suyuan

——————–

It’s December already and in just a few more days it’ll be Christmas already! Isn’t exciting? So for the song of the week, here’s an OPM classic and hope this gets you into the holiday mood. The original version is by Kuh Ledesma and I think Ariel Rivera also recorded this song. I really love singing along this one… Enjoy listening!

Popularity: 9% [?]