Umiiyak ang aking pusong nagdurusa
Ngunit ayokong may makakita
Kahit anong sakit ang aking naranasan
Yan ay ayokong kanyang malaman

 Mga araw na nagdaan, kailanma’y hindi malilimutan
Kay tamis na raw ng pagmamahalan
Ang akala ko’y walang hangganan

 Ang pag-ibig kong ito
Luha ang tanging nakamit buhat sa’yo
Kaya’t sa Maykapal tuwina’y dalangin ko
Sana’y kapalaran ko ay magbago

Ang tema ngayong linggong ito ay saktong-sakto sa kalagayan ng aking puso. Kung wala kang magawa at gusto mong malaman kung baket ay magbasa-basa lang nitong blag ko at malalaman mo din ang dahilan. Umpisahan mo noong Marso 17, dun sa post na ang titulo ay Insensitive. Kung gusto mo naman shortcut ay basahin ang aking post na Harsh. Sinabi ko nga sa aking kaibigan na tulungan akong mawala ang aking nararamdaman at may nahanap siyang isang artikulo kung saan ay isinasaad kung ano ang mga dapat gawin upang mawala ang iyong nararamdamang pag-ibig para sa isang tao. At ito ang nakalahad doon sa artikulo na iyon (pasensiya na po at medyo tamad na kong isalin ito sa tagalog pero ang mga komento ko po, na naka-bold, sa bawat isang hakbang ay tagalog)

1. Realize you are worth someone who loves you. You are worth someone who thinks you are beautiful and awesome. It’s always flattering to have an admirer, but you deserve better than to just be somebody’s ego boost. Dito pa lang ay mahirap ng gawin para sa akin dahil ito lamang ang naiiisip kong dahilan kung baket hindi niya ako magustuhan. Napaka-layo ng hitsura ko sa kanyang huwarang babae. Ang gusto niya ay maganda at seksi, ako ay malusog at pa-kyut.

2. See their faults. Nobody is perfect. The longer you hold on to the idea that this person is perfect, the harder it’ll be to get on with your life. It’s completely possible that you’re idealizing someone just so that you can have a fantasy to hold on to. You should accept that this person is not perfect, and definitely not perfect for you — because the perfect person for you would think as highly of you as you do of them. Okay sana itong hakbang na ito. Ang pagkakamali ko lang din ay natutunan ko na siyang tanggapin kung ano man ang pagkatao niya at kasama na doon ay kanyang mga maling nagagawa.

3. Distance yourself. You won’t want to, but staying close to someone you want but can’t have just isn’t healthy. Don’t tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. Don’t call them, don’t go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself. Dito lang yata ako tumugma. Gusto ko munang magpakalayo sa kanya. Ngunit ayaw naman ng mga kaibigan namin. At matapos ang mga nangyari ay kinukulit pa din naman niya kong magsasama. Napapaisip din ako dahil ayoko din namang mawala siya sa akin at kung gagawin ko ito ay maaring tuluyan na din siyang umiwas sa kin. Ano ba talaga ang gagawin ko?

4. Date. While you are distancing yourself from said object of affection, try to meet people that you like. Don’t settle for whomever asks you out, or you might end up making someone fall in love with you whom you don’t love back! Approach people, try new things. You might want to compare everyone to the object of your affection, and you won’t think anyone measures up. Stop this right now. You know there’s someone better out there. Go find him or her! Eto pa! Wala nga akong kilala na pedeng i-date eh. Baka meron dyang gustong mag-prisinta? O di kaya baka may kakilala kayong gusto niyong ipakilala sa akin, sabihan niyo lang ako! ;D

5. Do whatever you can to feel better about yourself. Exercise, eat well, take a class, meet people, go to parties, have fun. Life is too short to spend it pining for someone who doesn’t see you for the great person you are! There are those out there who will. Eto unti-unti ko nang ginagawa, ang mag-ehersisyo at kumain ng wasto. Papagurin ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pag-eehersisyo. At sabi nga nila na pag nag-ehersisyo ka ay magre-release ng endorphins ang iyong katawan, at ang endorphins ay kilala na nagpapabawas ng sakit at emosyon.

6. Try behavioral conditioning similar to a Pavlov’s dog’s response. Every time you obsess over this person try thinking about something repulsive. Pretty soon, you will start associating this person with repulsion, so that eventually the person’s name will invoke disgust. Ayoko namang maging masama ang mga maalala ko tuwing maiisip ko siya. Ewan ko ba. Siguro nga talagang minahal ko siya at mahal ko pa din siya bilang kaibigan. Naging mabuti naman siyang kaibigan sa akin kaya hindi ko din siguro ito magawa.

Naisip ko tuloy, kung nasa akin nga talaga ang mga katangian na mga sinasabi niya, baket kaya hindi pa niya ko matutunan mahalin? Kaya nga hindi ko din maiwasan na pagdudahan kung totoo nga ba ang kanyang mga sinabi, o bola nga lang talaga lahat. Alam ko, I should give him the benefit of the doubt, gaya nga ng sinasabi ni CO. Nung sinabi niyang ayaw niyang mawala ako sa kanya, di ba niya naisip na sa sandaling magkaroon siya ng gelpren ulet o magdesisyon na gusto na nyang manahimik at magpakasal, hindi ba niya naisip na mawawala ulit ako sa kanya at maaring pangmatagalan na talaga? Kilala niya na ko, at alam niya na ang ugali kong takasan ang mga bagay-bagay. Kung matalino nga siyang tao eh dapat naisip niya yon. At yung sinasabi niyang mabigat niyang pakiramdam na hindi niya maintindihan pag naiisip niya na mawawala ako sa kanya… gusto kong alamin niya at isiping mabuti kung ano ba talaga itong pakiramdam na ito. Hindi namin kami super close na magkaibigan para maramdaman niya ito kung sakali mang kami’y magkakalayo.

Popularity: 100% [?]

Last night was one of the toughest nights I had to face. Could you imagine, me abstaining from AA, yosi and alcohol all at the same time?

April 30

AA: home alone kami magkakapatid hehe
AA: nag out of town nanay at tatay ko hehe
AA: inum tayo dito?
B: ngayon?
B: late na eh
AA: bukas pede pa din
AA: sa fri me laro na ko
AA: hehe
B: invite ka ng iba pa
AA: mga tao dito
B: sige bahala na
AA: hindi ko pede sa weekend eh
AA: fri-sun laro ko
B: ok
B: pag natapos ko yung mga blogging tasks ko siguro
AA: ayos
B: si DocMR pala? diba ngayon siya uwi? or tomorrow?
AA: ngayon ata. txt mo
AA: bka makasabay ko pala tom sa gym yun
B: pass na lang pala ko sa inom
AA: baket?
B: ala lang
AA: hybernate?
B: ndi naman
AA: ah oki
B: gusto ko lang mag pass
AA: okidoki
B: next time na lang. thanks for inviting me though
AA: no problemo

It was hard turning him down. I felt like how I felt when CO and I had a fight and he asked me to dinner and I was quiet the whole time and just watched him eat and listened to his apologies. It broke my heart to see CO so sorry. And now it’s breaking my heart, turning AA down. Parang nakukunsensiya ko na hindi naman dapat. Parang naaawa din ako when it should be the other way around. He should be feeling these things towards me and not vice versa.

May 1

CO: makipag-inuman ka na!
B: mamaya
CO: sama ka?
B: sabi ko tanungin niya ko ulet today eh. ano, punta ko don?
CO: oo, inuman LANG naman e. take note on the emphasis.
B: inuman lang talaga
CO: alam mo ba, muntik na akong ako magsabi sa kanya nung sinabi mo the other day?
B: eh bat di mo sinabi?
CO: hahaha. kasi sabi ko sa kanya, AA wag mong ipahalata na magkausap tayo. tapos sasabihin ko na dapat.
B: promise?
CO: pero sabi nya, ayaw nya nung situation… na hindi sasabihin sa yo na magkausap kami
CO: edi ayon, hindi na ako nagsalita. tapos buti na lang ikaw nagsabi, which should be the case
B: totoo yan?
CO: oo, no! bakit naman ako mag-iimbento?
CO: buti na lang talaga, hindi ko sinabi
B: wala lang. parati mo kong jino-joke eh. baket naman buti na lang?
CO: sasabihin ko lang naman sana, nababaliw na ulit si B sa yo and it’s driving her crazy
CO: itanong mo sa kanya
CO: e kasi dapat naman ikaw magsasabi non e, hehe
B: ano namang kaso kung mag-usap kayo at hindi niyo ipahalata sa kin?
CO: ewan ko
B: alam mo sometimes i don’t get him
CO: baka mahirapan syang mag-pretend na hindi kami magkausap, haha
CO: e bat invisible ka na ngayon?
B: wala lang. o ayan ndi na ko invisible
CO: iniisip mo ba kung pwede na lang sana syang lifetime crush pero hindi love?
B: baket may crush pa? dapat wala na talaga kahit ano
CO: e kung hindi mawala e, edi i-demote na lang to crush
B: hindi ko ma-gets minsan kung ano yung mga nagiging issues para sa kanya
CO: siguro nga, ang magiging testing nyan e pag nagkita kayo ulit
B: i don’t know lang how i would react pag nakita ko siya
B: tsaka isip ko lang din na baka parang sarcastic lang din yung pag-invite niya sa kin and he didn’t really mean it. yoko naman ng ganon
CO: sincere yon!
B: bat ba parati mong pinagtatanggol yon ha?
CO: hehehe. wawa naman kasi pag pinagtulungan natin
B: eh kung totoo naman na ganon eh, naawa ka pa din?
CO: o sige na nga, nanloloko lang yon!
B: yung totoo, ano sa tingin mo? baka mamaya tine-test niya lang ako
B: alam mo yon, tinitignan niya lang kung magha-hybernate ako
B: actually inisip ko din kung mag-hybernate na nga lang talaga eh
CO: next week na lang ikaw mag-hybernate
B: baket next week?
B: to give him the satisfaction?

Popularity: 56% [?]

I just don’t know what to do with myself. Don’t know just what to do with myself….

Ever heard that song? Yeah, I don’t know what to with myself right now. In those few weeks, I already got used to seeing him and talking to him often. Now I don’t know if I should still keep in touch with him or not. I kept logging in and out of YM, not sure if I want to talk to him. And whenever he catches me online, I’m not sure what to say to him… should I pretend and tell him I’m okay and unmoved by what he said or should I tell him how he broke my heart. When he asked my how I was, I just ignored his question and talked about something else. I still wanna see him, he’s still my friend after all, but I’m not sure if I could still do that or how I’ll react when I see him. Maybe I’ll just ignore him and see how he’ll react… but what if he doesn’t do anything?

I actually already knew he’d say he doesn’t like me. What I didn’t see coming was how he said it… I don’t like you! And that’s it… Ni ha, ni ho wala na. Of all the people I know, I least expected him to be like that to me. Yes, he’s afraid of me, he’s afraid to do me bad, he’s afraid to hurt me… Huh? Maybe that was then and this is now. Now, he simply doesn’t care.

I asked him if I pissed him off the other day and he said no. Read on…

April 29

B: ask ako ni CB kahapon kung meron ka daw ba kse daw parang ang sungit mo
AA: just wanted to catch her attention na hindi pede yung ginawa nya sa kin hehehe
B: pero okay lang daw, naintindihan ka naman daw niya and alam naman daw niya na fault niya
AA: and i think it was effective
AA: mismo. i immediately acknowledged her apology naman
B: yes. ang bilis niyo nga lang nag-usap eh
AA: siempre. hindi na pinatatagal yun hahaha. ganun ako sa friends ko eh hehehehe
AA: di ba alam mo yun?
AA: joke lang.

B: kahapon pala parang nainis ka sa kin
AA: ha? ako?
B: yep
AA: baka ikaw?
AA: hindi ako nainis
B: feeling ko lang
AA: ah oki
AA: hindi ko lang alam kung mag hybernate ka na o hindi pa
AA: mukhang hindi pa
B: inaantay mo?
AA: ayoko ng tanungin baka humaba pa usapan hehe
AA: expected ko lang na it’ll come anytime soon hehehe
B: ewan ko ba. si CO kse super pinipigilan ako eh
AA: hehe napipigilan ka pala… hahaha

It’s like I’m expecting that somehow he sees me as a special friend… you know, special amongst his and our other friends. And you don’t do that to special friends. He said he tries to understand me… I don’t think so. Sobrang sablay pala ko! All that I’m thinking is wrong. Nonexistent… it’s all just in my head!

But I’m slowly moving on… Yesterday I was supposed to go to MC’s place for the blessing of their kiosks but I declined. He was there. I don’t send him text messages anymore, just a couple of times last week when we were supposed to go to MC’s and I had to tell him I’ll pass. I just felt I needed to let him know that because he’s the one who’s bridging the gap between me and our friends. He’s the one who kept inviting me. He’s the one who’s looking forward to see me there.

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko beacuse until now I’m still scared to lose him… I’m scared he might not talk to me again… I’m scared I might not see him again. Hindi ba dapat baliktad? Hindi ba dapat siya yon?

Popularity: 39% [?]

PR or PageRank updates are happening again. Yes you read it right! And I’m hoping that all my blogs would get some, or at least just regain their old PRs. I’ve read somewhere that the updates would be completed on May 21st but you can now check the page ranks of your blogs through URL PR Checker or PR Checker.

On a side note, somebody’s searching for me in Google… wonder who it is and why. Hmmmmmmmm

Popularity: 44% [?]

Tags: Page Rank, PageRank, PR, PR Checker, URL PR Checker

by Counting Crows

All of a sudden she disappears
Just yesterday she was here
Somebody tell me if I am sleeping
Someone should be with me here
Cause I don’t wanna be alone

I wanna be the knife that cuts into my hand
And I wanna be scattered from here in this catapult
What a big baby, won’t somebody save me please
Can’t find nobody home

All of these quiet battered voices
Just wait for the hunger to come
We got little revolvers and stupid choices
But no one to say when we’re done
Well I don’t wanna bring you down

I wanna be the light that burns out your eyes
Cause I know theese little things about me
Would sing in the silence of so much rejection
In every connection I make
I can’t find nobody home

I wanna be the light that burns out your eyes
Cause I know theese little things about me
Would sing in the silence of so much rejection
In every connection I make
I wanna be the last thing that you hear when you’re falling asleep
I wanna be the knife that cuts into my hand
And I wanna be scattered from here in this catapult
What a big baby, won’t somebody save me please
I can’t find nobody home

——————–

This is so so me right now.

Popularity: 27% [?]

Tags: Catapult, Counting Crows

This is it! Read on… my YM conversations with AA and CO today. No more need for intro or explanation. Everything’s clear now. Warning: another long post…

AA: musta?
B: huy. musta?
AA: pagod kakalaro n gym hehe. kaw?
B: i’m much better than last week. pagod din sa taebo naman. hahaha
AA: ayos ha. san ka taebo?
B: dito lang sa house pag tamad ako mag jog
AA: ah oki. ako parang me sun burn
B: dahil sa basketball?
AA: saka parang nag dry skin ko dahil sa kaka pawis. ma-kati. sa chest at sa likod
B: baka rashes yan
AA: parang ganun. namumula
B: ah baka parang yung sa neck ko makati sobra pag napapawisan pag mainit. nagkakaroon din ng parang rashes
AA: baka ganun nga hehe
AA: no pala sabi ni CB hehe
B: bad ka daw
AA: baket daw haha. natuloy ba sila kila MC nung sat?
B: kse naka-chat daw nia si GF sa ym. di ko din alam eh
AA: hehe
B: kinwento ni GF yung gusto niya meet kayo sa starbucks tapos ndi ka punta tapos nakipag-break ka sa text
AA: ay yun ba yung bad. oki
B: ano ba akala mong bad?
AA: la na iba na kwento? baka meron pang issue si GF na kwento ke CB na hindi nya masabi sa kin eh. no pa sabi ni CB?
AA: seryoso ba sya sa bad comment nya? tingin mo kelangan ko kausapin si CB o hayaan ko na lang?
B: hmmmm. parang naintindihan naman niya na ganon ka talaga hahaha
AA: ah oki
B: bat ba kse ganon? sana kinausap mo na
AA: basta objective ko maki pag break. me opportunity, kaya ni grab ko na.
AA: i don’t see any logic meeting up pa. mas lalala lang
AA: kinausap ko naman, sa phone nga lang
B: eh siempre iba din yung face to face kayo
AA: eh baka maawa ako at maki pag ayos pa eh. unfair yun, tingin ko
AA: kasi nga objective ko maki pag break
B: ganon ba yon maawa ka
AA: yes. kasi in the first place, hindi ko alam pano maki pag break hehe
B: eh diba it’s up to you pa rin naman. kung ayaw mo talaga kahit maawa ka ndi na talaga
AA: i don’t have the heart to do that, eh na fall out of love na ko
B: sus eh ang dami mo na pinagdaanan na relationships ndi mo alam makipag-break
AA: confrontation to the max yun mahirap na. maliit na bagay pinag awayan kaya makipag balikan tlaga. eh ayoko na.
AA: and i think i’m being fair. breaking up with her. lesser evil pala
B: when you got back from the states, sino nakipagbalikan? siya or ikaw?
AA: mutual, she asked me, i said yes
B: ok. kwento niya kse kay CB ikaw daw
AA: ang natatandaan ko she was askin me kung love ko pa din sya. ayaw nya daw ng pretentions
AA: caught in the act… i said yes i still love her. hehe
AA: regardless kung sino naki pag balikan eh, sa tingin ko.
B: eh you did love her ba talaga?
AA: i have my goals…
AA: oo naman
B: ok. that’s good
B: what goals?
AA: you think CB needs my explanation o hayaan na lang? goal= to break up
B: hayaan mo na lang siguro. pero ikaw if you think you need to explain yourself then go
AA: waiting lang ko for opportunity kasi nga have no heart to tell her straight
B: didn’t you think it would have been better if you just told her straight from the very start pa lang?
AA: eh siempre sa start love was all over. blinded ka
AA: nung nawala, hala, kung ano ano na nakikita kong ayaw ko sa kanya
B: i mean from the very start na you felt like breaking up with her
B: bat ano ano ba ayaw mo sa kanya?
AA: wag na yun. akin na lang
B: sus
AA: hindi ko ugali mag sabi ng masama sa kapwa e. praktis ko nga maging positib eh
B: yesterday, kausap ko si CO dito sa ym, yung sa voice conference. na-miss ko voice niya sobra
AA: musta daw sya? kelan sya uwi?
B: he’s ok naman. di ko alam exact date ng uwi niya eh
AA: si DocMR pala kakampi ko kahapon sa game
AA: hehe pagod sya, galing pa sya galera ata
B: kasama niya gf nia sa galera?
AA: ata, saka kuya nya
B: ok
AA: parang na corner ko si CB hehehe
AA: bad talga ko
B: panong na-corner?
AA: wait tatawag sya
B: ok
AA: ayos na.
B: what did she tell you?
AA: sabi ko ke CB ano naririnig ka sabi ni B na bad ako hahaha
AA: ‘being smart and all that… i didn’t expect you doing that’ hahaah
AA: ‘ me problema ka ba sakin?’
B: ano sabi?
AA: ’sorry’ hahaha
B: bat nga nagalit ka sa kanya ulet?
AA: ke CB?
B: oo
AA: hindi ko galit, bka lang me issues sya sakin kya nya nasabi yun. kaya nililiwanag ko lang sana
AA: eh hindi ko naman daw kelangan mag explain hehehe
B: hmmmm. don’t tell CB i told you
AA: i did already
B: ndi yon. iba to
AA: sabi ko ke CB ano naririnig ka sabi ni B na bad ako hahaha
AA: ah oki. what?
B: sabi niya parang nagalit ka daw sa kanya kse bat sinabi sa kin yung kay GF. why?
AA: ha? ulit
B: kse kanina nun magka-chat pa lang kayo, sabi nia galit ka daw
AA: ah oki
B: tapos when i asked bat ka nagalit
AA: wala na yun, according to my book
B: sabi niya kse daw bat nia daw kinwento nia sa kin yung kay GF
AA: not unless sa yo sya nag coconfide about her issues with me. then its another problem.
AA: oki, ano tanong mo?
B: ndi. i don’t think naman she has issues with you
AA: okidoki
B: parang ang dating lang sa kin, you don’t want her to talk to me about you and GF. tama ba?
AA: i don’t want my personal issues being talked about by other people. kung si GF nag open up sa kanya sana me decency sya to put it in full confidentiality kasi friend nya rin ako di ba.
B: hush ha. don’t tell CB i told you
AA: kung ayaw na nya ko maging friend, pede na nya kwento sa iba hehehe
AA: okidoki
B: ok
B: nakwento lang naman niya kse nagkausap kami last last saturday, yung dapat poker night kila MC
AA: oki, la naman ko issues kung mag usap kayo o hindi e hehehe
AA: joke lang. taray ko ba?
B: hmmmm, nagagalit ka pala sa ganon no? now i know one way pano ka magalit
AA: me last interview pala ko mamya sa URC
B: uy good luck
AA: hehehe yabang!
B: haha! kala mo ha! magalit ka din sa kin bilis!
AA: baket?
B: eh di ba gusto ko magalit ka sa kin
AA: hindi mo naintindihan yung sitwasyon e.
B: naintindihan ko
AA: kung nakwento ko na sa yo, oki na malaman ng friends natin.
AA: kung hindi pa…. la ka kukwento hahaha
AA: pano ko magagalit sa yo?
B: i know she should’ve talked to you first, ndi yung kung kani-kanino nia kinukwento
B: eh pano ka nga ba magagalit sa kin?
AA: ewan ko hahaha
B: isip ka nga bilis. how about if i talk to CB or the others about us? hahahaha
AA: ah yun. hehe oki lang. iba yun. i accepted it as my fault, need to face consequences hehehe
B: gusto ko makita kang magalit sa kin
AA: galingan mo kasi. wag mo itanong sa kin
B: eh kung ikwento ko din sa iba about you and GF
AA: sa iba tao?
B: oo. na kilala mo din
AA: eh nakwento ko na sa yo eh, pede na kwento talga sa iba hehehe
B: hmmmm
AA: ayos nga yun eh
AA: hindi ko na kelangan mag kwento parati me nag spread na ng news hehehe
B: bat si CO ang dali-daling galitin, ikaw hirap
AA: eh hindi naman CO name ko eh.
B: what if kunyari may lakad tayo tapos indianin kita without saying anything kahit after na nung incident?
AA: hehe pede
AA: siempre mag ingat na ko inannounce mo na e
B: mag-iingat like how?
AA: pag mag meet tayo. saka ikaw, inuunawa kita. kya hindi ko magagalit sa yo hahaha
AA: baka kaw magalit sa kin hahaha
B: bat kse inuunawa mo pa ko? para kong special child
AA: hehehe siempre
AA: oo nga
B: baket nga?
AA: kasi friend kita hahaha
B: lecheng friend yan. hahaha
B: alam mo dapat ndi mo na ko tina-try i-understand
AA: ndi mo yun kaya i control yun, kaya don’t waste your time trying to convince me. hehehe
B: don’t waste your time trying to understand me kse you wouldn’t no matter how hard you try
AA: sabi nga don’t convince me eh hehehe. kulitan tlaga labas nito
B: i’m not convincing you. i’m telling you. talaga bang to no effect ako?
AA: hehehe, mismo
B: at least now i know what to do para umiwas ka sa kin. yun na lang gagawin ko
B: pag umiwas ka para ka na din galit sa kin non
AA: hahaha satisfying yourself is good hahaha, tama yan
B: sige paiiwasin na lang kita
B: same effect din naman yon eh sa kin yon eh, pag umiwas ka or magalit ka sa kin
AA: hehe
B: or kausapin kita parati ng seryosong usapan no? umiiwas ka na don eh
AA: oo dun talaga sobra iwas na ko hahaha
B: eh dapat pala iwasan mo na nga ko. parati akong seryosong usapan eh
B: pero alam mo i should have one more seryosong usapan with you or sa email na lang before ka totally umiwas na sa kin
AA: game
B: not today. antay-antay mo lang. i’m just composing palang all that i’m gonna say
B: kita mo after non tapos na ordeal mo sa kin
AA: ano?
AA: basta wag mo kalimutan inuunawa kita hahahaha
B: oo. pero be prepared not to see me again after that
AA: oki
B: prepared ka na?
AA: yes
B: haha. ako ndi pa. i have to prepare din muna na ndi na kita makita after non
B: not today nga eh. malay mo later pag-uwi mo may email ka na from me
AA: hindi mo ata ko naiintindihan e, inuunawa nga kita di ba hahahaha
B: so parang no matter what i say or do talagang to no effect?
AA: no ba sabi ko? hahaha
B: syet
B: anong ibig sabihin ng inuunawa mo ko?
AA: kahit anong sabihin mo o gawin mo… i understand, am putting myself on your feet para maintindihan kita.
AA: gets mo na? hahaha
B: oo gets ko. baket nga? why are you doing that? and don’t tell me na kse friend mo ko
AA: eh yun yung sasabihin ko tlaga, uncontrolled mo yun hahahaha
AA: dali mo naman mainis hahahaha para kang si CO hehehe
B: ndi ako naiinis ha
AA: ah hindi ba. mali ako hehe.
B: ok. what if i tell you this… direct quote to from CO ha. hahahaha
B: oh syet. di ko alam kung ipe-paste ko. hahaha
AA: hehehe
B: AA are you aware na bumalik lahat sa kin? ndi to masyadong seryosong usapan ha. casual talk lang
AA: ano bumalik? feelings?
B: yep
AA: well, uncontrolled ko ata yun eh. no ba point mo?
B: diba i told you that sa email ko after that fateful weekend?
AA: yes
B: that’s why i’m trying to explain to you na all this is hard for me
AA: o sige, if you can have it your way no gusto mo gawin?
B: i don’t know. basta i’m trying my best lang to be a friend to you like how you want it to be
AA: mismo. let me know na lang if you know na, hehehe
B: do i have to?
AA: tell me? its up to you.
B: i know what i want and it’s not what you want
B: aren’t you even bothered? na may parang lovesick puppy around you
AA: yes, am bothered. pero iniintindi nga kita eh
B: bothered like how?
AA: friends and lovers don’t meet straight inthe eye. tama ba ko, baka ngyayabang lang ko ha, sabihin mo lang hahahaha
B: what do you mean by friends and lovers don’t meet straight in the eye? di ko ma-gets yon
AA: i want us to be friends. your in love with me, right? it does not mix together. mahirap
B: so bothered ka kse mahirap?
AA: bothered ako kasi baka na take advantage ko yun. need to be always be aware of my advantage. para fair parati.
B: that’s why i’m telling you na ndi mo ko kailangan unawain
AA: pede ba pause na natin dito yung discussion, pa ulit ulit na kasi yung mga susunod na discussion e.
AA: sasabihin ko hindi mo na controled yun sasabihin mo naman wag mo na ko unawain hahahha
B: AA i just need you to tell me one thing. feeling ko yun ang kailangan ko para matapos na din to. tell me honestly you don’t like me, not even a tiny bit. you never did eh. parang parating ang reason mo is you want us to be friends. you don’t want to lose me. that there’s this heavy feeling inside you na you don’t understand if you’re gonna lose me. just tell me straight to my face na ayaw mo sa kin. maybe, just maybe it’ll open up my eyes
AA: i don’t like you!
B: ok thanks
AA: my pleasure!
B: ok. i’ll stop na
AA: okidoki
B: nainis ka sa seryosong usapan? don’t worry last na to. never again
AA: oki
B: yun lang. sige. thanks for being honest with me. good luck sa interview mo later
AA: thanks

After my conversation with AA, I posted what we talked about so CO could read it…

B:
CO: hay. are you ok?
B: no. harsh pala talaga no
CO: di ka naman sana umiiyak
B: so that’s it… the story of my life. siguro naman pede na ko umiwas?
CO: siguro ngayon, oo. pero sana when you’re over it, you can see him again.
CO: it was courageous of you to do that. masakit nga lang to learn the truth
B: ouch nga talaga
B: ok lang para matapos na. for my own peace of mind din
CO: may peace of mind ka na?
B: kahit papano oo. di ko na kelangan mag-isip
B: alam ko na kung asan ako. i know na where to put myself
CO: makakatulong nga yung bawas sa pag-iisip
B: alam mo parang ndi siya bothered kung anong effect sa kin ng lahat. parang ang concern lang niya is baka nagta-take advantage na siya
B: parang it doesn’t matter if i’m in love with him or not. basta gusto niya friends kami. ndi niya talaga na-gets na mahirap para sa kin yon
CO: oo nga, parang wala man lang are you ok?
B: oo nga eh. pero ok lang. expected ko na din naman yon eh. kaya nga sabi ko harsh pala talaga
CO: kanina gusto ko na sanang sabihin sa kanya yung gusto mong sabihin pero di ko tinuloy. buti na lang sa yo nanggaling
CO: nainis ako sa “my pleasure!”, ang insensitive!
B: now you know why i feel bola lang lahat? he’s just saying things to make me feel better
B: alam mo CO, i believe him na gusto niya maging friends kami and i REALLY appreciate all his efforts
B: pero somehow nafe-feel ko na selfish yung intentions niya. tama ba ko?
CO: tama at mali
B: what do you mean?
CO: mali dahil di naman selfish yung wanting to be your friend, pero tama dahil he doesn’t know what that means to you
CO: na mahirap yon para sa yo na maging friend lang
B: feeling ko selfish kse the way i see it, parang isang malaking challenge for him to befriend me
B: parang he’s doing it so he could prove something to himself
CO: wag mo nang isipin yon because it’s probably not true. iba na lang ang isipin mo
B: kse i don’t get it why he had to do that pa, we were okay naman eh
CO: don’t ask me why. at wag mo na rin isipin kung bakit
CO: wala ka na dapat iisipin di ba? isipin mo na lang ham yan
B: iniisip ko lang what now? should i stay or should i go?
CO: kanta yan a
B: oo
CO: go where?
B: away
B: from him
CO: gaya ng sabi ko kanina, it would be perfectly understandable, and it probably makes sense, to get some distance away from him for a while hanggang sa matuyo na ang mga sugat, then hopefully eventually you can be friends who can go out and drink again
B: i’m not sure if i can still do that
CO: shoot! ano ba ako si dr. love? ano bang alam ko sa mga ito?
CO: do what? be his friend? be drinking buddies?
B: lahat. i’m not even sure kung kaya ko pa na makita siya
CO: perfectly understandable ngayon kasi nga fresh pa ang sugat
B: or makausap siya
CO: pero malalaman mo lang talaga na tuyo na ang sugat kung mahaharap mo na sya. it will take time, most likely
B: malamang… looooonnngggg time
CO: shoot, dr. love na dr. love na ko! huy wag ka maniwala sa lahat ng sinasabi ko ha!
CO: if you think it’s bullshit sabihin mo lang
B: kahit ano naman sabihin mo, susundin ko pa din sarili ko eh, stubborn ako eh
CO: take your time, wala namang nagmamadali sa yo. siya lang siguro. at siguro kami
CO: oo nga, makulit ka e
B: CO sanay na naman kayo ng wala ako diba?
CO: pati ako, ilalaglag mo na rin???
B: friend mo pa din naman ako eh. alam mo naman andito lang ako diba?
CO: oo
B: kahit sino naman eh. kahit sa AA. andito lang ako for him if he needs me as a friend. quiet friend nga lang
CO: pero kapag lumipat ka ng bahay sabihin mo sa akin ha
B: nagpalit na nga kami ng phone number eh. pero ndi ko bigay kahit kanino
CO: i’m just worried for you
B: baket?
CO: hindi kasi namin alam kung ok ka pa, kung may nakakausap ka kung kailangan mo ng kausap etc.
B: sanay na ko with my lifestyle. sanay na ko to be alone
CO: basta andito rin ako kung kailangan mo ko. (wag lang matagal at kung gusto ko nang kumain, matulog, etc.) hehehe
B: choice ko na naman yon eh so no matter what happens ala na kayo don
B: CO promise lang if he asks you anything about me don’t tell him anything. i doubt naman he’ll ask
CO: anong “anything”? di ba sinabi mo na sa kanya lahat?
B: wala lang. kung nagkakausap tayo or kung kamusta na ko
CO: you bared your soul to him
B: yes
CO: nge, bakit di ko naman sasabihin sa kanya kung kumusta ka na?
B: wala lang. ndi niya na kelangan malaman
CO: yung standard “patay na” na lang?
B: yes. sa lahat na din yan ang isagot mo
CO: hay
B: so ok na nga na umiwas ako?
CO: gagawin mo pa akong accomplice? wag mo itanong sa akin yan! kahit ano naman ang sabihin ko gagawin mo pa rin yung gusto mo diba nga sabi mo?
B: oo. pero kahit ano naman gawin ko gagawin pa din niya gusto niya diba?
CO: yun lang. unless sabihin mo sa kanya kung hindi mo gusto yung ginagawa nya
B: mas insensitive pala siya sa yo. haha
CO: tingnan mo to, ako pa ang ginawang thermometer ng insensitivity!!!!
B: nahihirapan ako CO eh. i wanted him to stop na pero gusto ko pa din siya maging friend
CO: baka medyo galit lang din, because of the CB thing and all
B: what do you mean medyo galit lang din? kung bat sia insensitive?
CO: mahirap nga.
CO: oo, di ba sya na-badtrip kay CB? baka ayon na naman at nararamdaman na naman nya yung “why don’t people just let me be?”
CO: pero insensitive din sya talaga, worse pa nga sa akin! mwahahahahaaha!
B: ewan ko. if that’s the case eh bat idadamay niya ko don?
CO: itulog mo lang siguro yan. tingnan mo kung ano na feeling mo kinabukasan
B: i cant’ do anything… naka-stare lang ako sa monitor
B: malamang nga itutulog ko na lang to. babaligtarin ko na ulet sked ko. sa gabi gising, sa araw tulog
CO: edi pareho na tayo! hehehe!
CO: what will make you happy right now?
CO: do you feel any pressure right now?
CO: no, i don’t feel any pressure right now
B: huh?
CO: janina san miguel?
B: ah ok
CO: sorry ha, janina fan ako e
B: ok lang
CO: my pamily is the most important persons in maaay laaaaayf! thank you!
B: ok lang CO, you don’t need to cheer me up
CO: i’m not trying to cheer you up, lahat na lang ng mako-connect ko kay janina, nako-connect ko
B: ok
CO: nakakausap mo ba si JR tungkol dito?
B: ndi. ndi ko sia masyado nakakausap kse busy sa work eh
B: tsaka masyado na siyang maraming issues din para dagdagan ko pa
B: pero she knows tungkol dun sa pacquiao weekend. yun yung last na usap namin
CO: tawagan mo na si QS
B: why?
CO: matangkad. hehe
B: doing that won’t make things better
CO: oo nga, i’m making no sense anymore

Popularity: 34% [?]

My niece needs to have her operation soon. I really wanted to help but can’t do much with regards to the financial aspect. And things are not going well with my family either. My dad and sister seem to always clash these days and every discussion they have always ends up in an argument. You see I’m not much of the praying type and I don’t go to mass on Sundays. But I try my best not to step down on anyone and I try not to do bad against other people or do things that could harm or degrade anyone or anything, not intentionally that is. So, last night I said a short but deep prayer for my niece, my family and myself. I pledged not to smoke again. I’ll just finish this last pack that I have and then I’ll stop. I started smoking when I was in college. And then stopped in 2004 and then started smoking again just a couple of months ago. Yeah I know, sayang yung 4 years. But hey, I’m now quitting again and I hope this time it’s for good. I think I can do it, I mean I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. They don’t have a definite date yet for the operation but next week they’ll be talking to her doctors and decide on it. I really hope and pray that everything goes well.

Popularity: 17% [?]

Remember how I mentioned in one of my posts how AA, CO and I take down notes while drinking so we could remember the next day what we talked about? Here’s another one of those notes and this time CB was with us. Again, it doesn’t make any sense but it’s funny. I don’t remember anymore from what year this is…

September 6

AA: Is that reasonable without doubt?
CO: A bit konti
CB: La Salista ka nga
AA: Ala eh, where’s my car?
(Nahulog yung pizza ni B sa floor - kinain pa niya, siyempre!)
AA: Manood na kayo, last episode na
AA: Magbayad ka ng P50, may cable ka na
(Sea Oil sa Tandang Sora walang liquor ban - meron but justifiable)
B: Cabalasa (Bicol Express)
AA: Taba, konti may pampalasa
AA: Pira is ilan not sira
B: Necking si CO at AA
CO: (to AA) Baka di ka makakalas sa kin
CO: (to AA and B) Pag walang tongue to tongue, walang friendship
B: CO and AA, tongue to tongue

Hahaha! Mind you, we’re very wholesome when we’re drinking… kunwari! Haha! I think this was the time when AA was still working in Bicol and he was trying to teach us some Bicolano words that he learned. And they wanted AA and me to kiss, so in turn I was kidding CO and AA to kiss. (They’re both guys! Hahaha!) Of course, they did not kiss. Sayang! Hahaha!

Popularity: 10% [?]

Maligayang Huwebes! Ang tema ngayon sa Litratong Pinoy ay Hugis ay Pahaba. Naghanap ako aking mga lumang larawan at ito ang aking nakita. Ito ay ang larawan ng tulay sa ilog ng Kwai. Diba’t napahaba niya? Ito ay may habang 415 na kilometro at tumatakbo sa gitna ng Bangkok, Thailand at Rangoon Burma, na ngayon ay kilala na bilang Myanmar. Ito ay isang pasyalan ng mga turista sa Thailand. Pinasyalan namin ito ng aking mga kaibigan noong kami ay magawi ng Thailand noong taong 2000. Pwede ka ding pumunta doon sa may tulay, at kung iyong titignan mong mabuti ay makikita mong marami ding mga tao doon. Kilala din ang tulay na ito bilang Burma Railway, Death Railway, at Thailand-Burma Railway. Mahigit isang daang libo mga manggagawa ang namatay sa proyektong ito. Meron ding pelikula noong 1957 na ganito ang titulo. Ito ay hango sa nobela ng Pranses na manunulat na si Pierre Boulle. Sana ay nagustuhan niyo ang ibinahagi kong larawan sa inyo ngayon at kahit papano sana ay may kaunti kayong natutunan.

Happy Thursday! The theme for today in Litratong Pinoy is something that’s long. I looked at my old photos and found this. This is a picture of the bridge on the River Kwai. It’s long, isn’t it? This bridge is 415 kilometers long and it runs between Bangkok, Thailand and Rangoon, Burma, which is now known as Myanmar. This is one of the tourist spots in Thailand. My friends and I visited here when we went to Thailand in 2000. You can also go to the bridge, and if you look closely you can see many people on the bridge. This bridge is also known as the Burma Railway, Death Railway, and Thailand-Burma Railway. More than 100,00 laborers died on this project. There is also a 1957 film of the same title. It was based on the novel of the French writer Pierre Boulle. I hope you liked what I shared with you today and hope that you somehow learned something from it.

Popularity: 48% [?]

Tags: Burma Railway, Death Railway, Litratong Pinoy, Pierre Boulle, Thailand-Burma Railway, The Bridge on the River Kwai

This was inspired by the chat I had with my twitter friends. If you can’t see the graphics above, the quote says

Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.

Anthony Robbins

Popularity: 10% [?]

Tags: Anthony Robbins, Weird