I think I got it all figured out already. AA couldn’t be like DA, OC or CO. Seems like for him there’s always got to be a reason for us to talk or see each other. I don’t think I can handle that because honestly I have no real reason to see him or talk to him. For me, I’ve got to make a reason. Him naman is like he’s doing all this because he feels he needs to and not because he wants to. In some cases, needing is more important than wanting, but not in this case. And he obviously doesn’t know what my needs are as a friend. I already told him this before, mahirap akong maging kaibigan. And he just have to deal with that. Honestly, I don’t want to be the one who always inititates or ako yung lumalapit. Things are not spontaneous between us… parating may effort dapat. It’ll be hard for us to maintain the “closeness” he wants… much harder for me. Can’t we be just friends? As in friends, period! Wala na nung closeness na gusto niya. Kung magiging close, eh di close… he shouldn’t impose that closeness like what he’s doing. If we’re meant to be close friends then it should have happened a long time ago. We’ve known each other for 15 years already. And it already has been 12 years when he first told me that he didn’t want to lose me. He had that long to work on it, why only now? Naunahan pa siya nila DA and OC.

I was already doing fine in my own little corner until he came back. He tricked me into promising that we’ll see each other. I was to go offline na and I was in a hurry to go some place, he wouldn’t let me go unless I say yes to one of his invitations. Hindi na mauulit.

So I guess this is it, I’m ending this story. Sorry to all those who are waiting for sequels… sorry to leave you hanging. I think I won’t be logging into my YM account for a few days or weeks… “run away” mode muna ko. Yes, that’s how I am, I keep running away from things. And yes, I’ll be pushing him away and I’ll be going back to that little corner where I used to be. Anyway, I’ll still be posting updates, kung meron man, but I won’t be looking forward to any and I won’t get all excited if there’s any. No more “let’s see what will happen next.” And with this I’ll leave you all with a song… I’ve been listening to this the whole day. Enjoy listening!

Barely Breathing
by Duncan Sheik

I know what you’re doing, I see it all to clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide
You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why I say good-bye

Cause I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting a fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, what’s it all about
I used to be so certain and I can’t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There’s nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change

Cause I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting a fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay but I’m thinking it over anyway

I’ve come to find I may never know
Your changing mind, is it friend or foe
I rise above or sink below
With every time you come and go
Please don’t come and go

Cause I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting a fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay but I’m thinking it over anyway

I know what you’re doing, I see it all to clear

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